Train wreck heading my way

(Andy Hanson) #1

About 2 1/2 weeks from now, I’m going on a four day trip to California with my wife and kids. We’re not going on vacation. We’re going to meet with a church that’s interested in calling me to be their new pastor. The four days will be full of meeting people from the church and the community to find out if my gifts will fit well with the community’s needs.

I’m absolutely sure many of these meetings will entail food. If this were just a day of breaking my WOE, then I’m probably wouldn’t be concerned. I’ve been ketogenic for about two months now and haven’t slipped up yet. However, FOUR DAYS is a long time.

What should I do? I don’t want to be thought of as impolite for refusing the food people offer me. On the other hand, I’m certain eating a bunch of carbs would make me sick and tired as a dog, and unable to speak intelligently with those I’m expected to meet.

How do you handle it when you’re expected to eat but know it’s something you just can’t do? I’m always amazed by how judgmental people get about food, ignoring the words of Christ, “What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.”

(Eve) #2

I would speak to your contact there ahead of time and let them know that you understand that there may be food at some of the coming meetings so you just want to make them aware of your dietary restrictions.

Explain politely that you don’t want to put anyone out, but you also don’t want to be off your game. I’m definitely sure they would understand. Let them know that you would he perfectly happy providing your own food, but that you don’t want to seem impolite in refusing food during fellowship.

Also congrats on your possible new placement. I hope it all goes well for you and your family.

(Laurie) #3

That’s a tough one. Former pastor’s wife here so I know how much food is involved in church activities. Are you fasting? It might be easiest (and least likely to hurt feelings) if you can say you are fasting for medical purposes and are so sorry to miss all this lovely food. If your wife and children are not keto, they can take up the slack for you.
Otherwise, I’d try to find a way to lay it out ahead of time so you don’t show up after somebody has prepared all of their favorite carb-laden foods and have you say no thanks. Actually, either fasting or not, probably best to find the right time to let them know ahead of your visit what your restrictions are.
Good luck!

(anneedens) #4

Smile, say it looks lovely, but you cannot enjoy it due to your way of eating. Mention how much your wife/children will enjoy it. Try to make it as much of a non-issue as possible. Hope for deviled eggs, ham, cheeses, veggie trays, etc. You may find that being in California the foods folk prepare are on the healthier side. Stop at a Trader Joe’s and stock up on some easily transported snacks you can eat. They have individually packaged salami/cheese snacks, parsnip chips, and other items you can keep handy.
Good luck with all the delicacies all the church ladies will bring out.

(eat more) #5

i like what @EvieE suggested…
think of this WOE like you have an allergy…if you were allergic to shellfish or peanuts it wouldn’t be impolite to refuse :blush:

(Mike W.) #7

THIS. For a lot of us it’s not a choice. If people don’t understand that…

(Barbara Greenwood) #8

I’m a minister and can attest to the place of food in church life.

I moved to a new appointment in September, a couple of months into keto. I have made frequent references to the very low carb sugar-free way that I eat, and let it be known that I have diabetes and am eating this way to control it. I’ve had one or two funny looks - especially around Christmas, when one person’s expression made it clear that my keto mince pies were a poor substitute for the real thing and she pitied me for having to eat them. But in the main people have been accepting, curious, or both.

If I think it’s likely to be a problem, I take a bit of something I can eat - especially at bring and share meals.

It helps that there are three people in the main church with coeliac disease, so the people there are reasonably aware of the need for special diets. It also helps that I’ve obviously lost weight since I’ve been with them, and older people ‘know’ that what you do to lose weight is cut out bread, potatoes and sugar…

(Guardian of the bacon) #9

As others have said…It seems simple and logical to let them know in advance of your dietary guidelines.

(Tom) #10

My go-to for carbs is “they make me swell up.” by saying it that way the nature of the swelling is ambiguous, leaving them to decide if it’s an allergy or something less pressing. And of course, carb intake does lead to water retention and fat deposition, so you aren’t lying about the swelling part. This effectively bypasses any preconceptions about the diet they think you ought to be eating, and at this stage they’ll probably be too polite to dig further.

#11

One thing I have been doing is simply telling people that I have some doctor advised restrictions in my diet. It’s simple, and usually does not lead to a follow up question.

I do not mention my doctor’s name, Dr. Keto.

#12

Life is full of feast and famine. 4 days isn’t going to kill you. Don’t be “that guy” everyone has to tiptoe around their special dietary needs.

I’ve faced similar issues in the past 9 months. On both Thanksgiving and Christmas I was guest in others homes. I was stressed out about what to do. Each time I tied to discretely tried to stay on my regime but failed with all the temptation. Both visits lasted three or four days and I enjoyed all the food provided. Some a little bit too much! And all of it which I enjoyed. When I returned home I fasted for about four-six days to get back into ketosis and lost any weight I gained (about five or six lbs) in about 2 weeks and continued my 1lb per week weight loss. Just recently I was out of town for 2 weeks under very stressful conditions. I managed to eat healthy for the most part (because I was doing all the cooking!) but I did indulge in carbs and sweets and beer due to the stress. When I returned home I feared that I’d gained 10 or 20 lbs but when I finally go on a scale I had only gained 2 lbs. No sure if my metabolism had reset or what but again as soon as I returned (with out fasting this time) I got right back into my regime.

I think if you considers this a new life long eating habit a few day off the wagon will do little harm.

#13

Maybe you could keep your carbs low-ish while you’re there, even if staying fully keto may not be possible. I think the main thing is if you do slip up a little, it doesn’t have to become all or nothing.

#14

Well, as a minister, you can certainly understand that everyone has a struggle in life. Some sort of challenge. This is yours. Next time someone comes to you and says “society expects me to be X, but I am instead a Y”…now you know what that means. Take this as a lesson to guide yourself through the journey, and being a more effective counselor to others facing similar challenges.

It would not be telling a lie or breaking your integrity if you politely turn down someone offering you carby food, saying “thank you kindly, but I hope you can understand that I cannot indulge in your lovely plate of (cookies…or whatever they offer) as I have recently identified some food sensitivities that wreak havoc with my health. I’m currently on a food regimen to help me heal my gut health. I only have 4 days here to be with you all, and hope not to allow any gut issue flare ups from interfering with this important trip. I hope you can understand.”

If they ask what sort of issues you are having, just say something like: “for the time being, as I am getting my gut health restored, I’m eating mostly meat/fish/eggs with veggies. Normal foods…simple foods…nothing fancy.”

You can also easily pack high fat foods in your luggage, and eat them at night, in case you don’t get sufficient nutrition. It’s only 4 days. You can survive on packed foods like boiled eggs, cooked bacon, nuts, jerky, olives, etc.

(Jessica) #15

I live in CA. Keto is pretty easy here. :slight_smile: I mainly tell people that I don’t eat sugar or grains…that’s easily understood and widely accepted. From that point, it’s fairly easy to just stick with meats and non-starchy veggies. Sometimes getting in adequate fat is difficult, but the low carb part is easy. And if I had to, I’d rather go a few days low carb, moderate fat, than eat carbs.

(Todd Allen) #16

I like the suggestion to fast. There are many different reasons to do it and many different approaches and degrees of fasting. Fasting can be done for health, to exercise self control and address the challenges of temptation, indulgence and gluttony and some find enhanced spirituality through fasting. Tailor your approach to what motivates you and perhaps you’ll find yourself able to find a balance that allows you to address your goals while accepting small tastes of your hosts offerings. Explain your fast while thanking your hosts for their hospitality and how challenging it is to exercise restraint when their food is so good.

(Andy Hanson) #17

Thanks everyone for your good advice. I still haven’t decided how I’m going to handle this, but you’ve given me some ideas. I’m leaning toward doing the best I can while we’re gone, then doing a 5-7 day fast upon return to detox.

(Guinea Pig) #18

I just want to say that I know exactly what you mean! I face this challenge in my social life frequently. There is a passage in the bible “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.” I feel like this when I take my ‘cutting edge’ ketogenic diet out into the world of today. I don’t have any advice for you, except, to smile and say a few words about how you eat to keep yourself healthy and happy. That should be a positive quality that other’s can appreciate in you. Good luck.

(Larry Lustig) #19

Depends a bit on the denomination, but won’t it still be Lent? Is that an out for you? Tell them you’re only eating fish and broccoli, or something.

(Andy Hanson) #20

My denomination is increasingly friendly with Lent. I’m preaching a series on Lent at my current church that is essentially a study of the spiritual disciplines, of which fasting is one.

(Andy Hanson) #21

Just wanted to give an update.

We were at the church this weekend, and things could not have gone better as far as fit. I think I need this church and I think this church needs me an my family. It’s a fantastic, generous, loving, imperfect community.

On the diet side, over the five days I was unable to completely avoid carbs. I had two pieces of pizza, two stuffed pasta shells, and one glass of beer. I noticed the effects on my body immediately. Huger and back pain returned. All things considered, it could have been much worse. Glad to be back home where I have complete control over what I’m eating.

Thank you all for your wisdom and prayers!