Spouse won't buy in

(Let's get going...) #1

OK I’ve been doing this for approximately four months and I’ve lost 50 pounds. It’s the best I’ve ever felt and see no reason to ever change back. My wife is seeing my success and she is really happy for me and supportive: however, I can not get her to buy in… does anyone have any recommendations for literature or videos to leave laying around or to play while she sleeps… just kidding. Just really want her to take this journey with me. Thanks

(Richard Morris) #2

well done on the weight loss.

I like the idea of being the change you want to see in others.

(John) #3

Stick with it, it’s a hard choice to make, carbs are addictive. I was about 30 pounds lost when my wife decided she better start, she has lost plenty and even more inches. I think once she is used to seeing it work and being enjoyable she will come on over.

#4

Hope it’s okay to put in a link, but your story made me think of this couple I came across early into my LCHF/keto readings.

http://www.lowcarbisland.com/our-story/

Summary: he just did his thing and she saw the changes and then got on board. I’m never very successful at persuading others, and even when I am, if the motivation hasn’t really come from them, they are unlikely to stick with it. I reckon you’ll get there. You are living evidence of its success.
Good luck!

(KennyD) #5

Welcome to the club! My wife is much the same way, supportive, etc. But refuses to go all in. But over the past year, I’ve started noticing she will order a sandwich and not eat the bread, or choose something low carb. Probably due to the success I’ve seen, but she’s stubborn and claims it’s not. Anyway, she’s actually seen some success by just doing that. I hope she’ll go all the way, but I’m doubtful. Keep up the good fight and be an example. Thats the road I’m on!

(Nathan Hall) #6

I’ll reach my one year “ketoversary” June​ 1st. I’ve lost 45 pounds, and kept it off. I’m considered thin now. The wife is supportive and is my most enthusiastic cheerleader, but has no plans to go keto. She can’t see herself giving up her carb laden favorites. She has cut back on processed foods, especially sugar, and has lost weight, lowered blood pressure, and improved thyroid function. I keep cajoling her to “go keto” with me and see how good she can feel, but no dice.
I think it works that way with family sometimes. I can have a single conversation with a complete stranger and see a real interest. The woman that has been with me through thick and thin (and I’m not just talking about my weight) for 20 years, and had a front row seat to everything keto has done for me over the past year… Meh…:expressionless:

I’m just going to be patient.:blush:

(Jeff Widener) #7

I was a reluctant spouse. My wife lost 45 pounds was enjoying all of the benefits of keto life. 7 months later I’m making my first post on a keto forum. I saw that this was not a fad diet. She had made some real changes. I think that is what brought me around.

(Nathan Hall) #8

In my wife’s defense, over the past 20 years there are plenty of times I have enthusiastically​ started things that didn’t pan out. I’m hoping the one year mark might indicate the “fad” isn’t wearing off anytime soon. :grinning:

(Let's get going...) #9

Dude, that is totally me… and that is totally her. Thanks for sharing.

(Mike W.) #10

There’s so much more to Keto than losing weight. I want everyone to feel this good…

(Let's get going...) #11

Good story, I’m going to try and figure out how to get this in front of her eyes. Thanks!

(Barbara Greenwood) #12

I’m in a similar position- 58lb down in 9 months and husband will not join in. I do the cooking, though, so he does get some keto meals, although I give him bread, potatoes etc as he wants them. He also supplements with chocolate and crisps far more than is good for him.

He clearly lost some weight as well over the first couple of months, though can’t quantify as he doesn’t weigh. I’ve lost more… though am still more seriously obese than he has ever been. I’m just going to KCKO, and hope that in due course he will come round. Maybe when I get to a healthy weight and stay there, he’ll realise this is different.

It would make the cooking easier if we were both in it together. To be fair, he is supportive when we eat out and allows my needs to dictate choice of restaurant.

(Peggy) #13

Hey Richard that would be a excellent T shirt “Be the change you want to see in others” I like it!

(Stickin' with mammoth) #14

And that’s really all you can do without a tranquilizer dart and an iron cage. Just kidding.

(Clare) #15

I just took charge of what we had for dinner and the other half agreed to that. He’s not fully Keto but just from the change in that one main daily meal, he lost so much weight his family thought he’d got a chronic illness. (That sounds awful but he in fact looks great. He’s back to the kind of weight he was twenty years ago - it’s just that they didn’t expect him to change like that).

You can’t expect your other half to necessarily want to go as deep as you do but you can guide what you eat together and that alone will help them more than you may realise.

(Peggy) #16

I fix Keto for dinner and I pack his lunch. I cannot control anything outside of what is in our house. He has brought in rice cereal and ice cream, but for the most part he is right with me. I just started so I am just a few down and he is proud of me. I guess he just needs to see my future self and then maybe he will want that too. Good luck Barbara

(Brian) #17

Frizz, thanks for starting this thread!

I’ve been at this a lot shorter time but also have a spouse that isn’t exactly on board.

I’ve been pretty strict about it and have only eaten a few extra carbs in social occasions maybe twice in the last month, neither huge events. I’ve lost about 20 pounds so far (not quite 5 weeks) and it’s starting to be noticeable in appearance, plus, I feel pretty good and find myself walking more easily, getting up out of a chair more easily, and just doing better in general. I’ve not really looked at this thing as a “diet” where I have to eat this way until I lose the weight and then can go back to eating the stuff I really like that I can’t have now. (And for the most part, the kinds of things I’ve limited myself on that I might like to have a little of later on aren’t awful… I’m talking about green lima beans, green peas, and the occasional sweet potato, that kind of thing. I’m not talking about rich cakes and pies and desserts. And I’ve said that when I get back down to where I want to be weight wise, I may have some of those things ON OCCASION again where right now, I do not.)

She’s mostly with me with what we eat at home. But she works an 8 - 4 job. We have breakfast at home and we have supper when she gets home. Generally, I don’t eat anything in between. Sometimes, I only have my coffee at breakfast time and eat supper with her. I still don’t generally have anything in between. I’m not depriving myself, I’m just not generally hungry. She, on the other hand, has to take things to work to eat. It may not be terrible stuff but I suspect it’s enough that she isn’t really getting into ketosis, or if she is, not staying there for any length of time. And to listen to her talk, she’s spending a lot of time hungry.

Bless her heart, she’s biding her time until she can eat the foods she wants to eat again. I think she’s maybe lost a few pounds but not many. I think she’s kinda sitting at an area not far above ketosis but from what I understand, that’s a pretty miserable place to be. I’d rather be there or not there but not hang out right on the edge. I’ve tried to broach that subject with her but she’s more interested in what snacks she can take to work to get her through the day.

We are coming to a point, I believe, in the next month or two, when, if she doesn’t decide to get onboard, I’ll probably lose enough weight that I’ll actually weigh less than she does, a situation we’ve never experienced before. Whether that will be any more of a motivation, I don’t know.

I don’t intend to preach. (That gets me in trouble, it seems, in a lot bigger circles than just at home.) I just intend to KC&KO, as they say here. Maybe the example will be way more powerful than anything I could say anyway.

So our story is an ongoing thing. (I’m sure you all will hear about it as it unfolds.) :wink:

#18

Hubby was supposed to start on Monday, but decided he wants to enter it slowly. He’s switched out his work lunch for nuts, cheese and ham, but comes home and eats an ice cream float! I try to make him understand that just because he looks good on the outside, doesn’t mean the same for the inside! When I get into his gym room and begin lifting weights in a couple of months, it may just push him!

(Carpe salata!) #19

Good lord an ice cream float. That made me laugh so bad.

Maybe because that was me some time in the past. Maybe that now it would be such a pest to eat and clean up. The pain it would cause the next day would be so not worth it. The taste of that would be so over sweet it would be dry and rasping to the palate. It is such a kid-treat food it so characterises emotional eating. It really doesn’t have much going for it any more.

#20

Very good description! Lol