Self sabotage is a real thing

(Ron D. Garrett) #1

I wish I could remember who to credit for this one but as a “trainer” I always quickly point to the self sabotage that I see in a person when they claim to “wanna lose weight” but in reality the desire to continue to live that lifestyle far outweighs the desire to be healthier because if it wasn’t then one would do EVERYTHING that it takes to get healthy! Stop sabotaging your efforts by being dishonest about the process you are in. Video coming soon on honesty in the process.

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(Cindy) #2

I think that’s just a bit (maybe more!) condescending. It’s not always self-sabotage. Put it in a different framework. I desperately would like to be a jet fighter pilot for the Air Force, but that desire didn’t come about until I was in my 50s. If I did EVERYTHING to make that happen, could I? Nope. Wouldn’t matter how much I wanted it. Or, what if one of my sons desperately wanted to be an Olympic level gymnast? Probably NOT going to happen, no matter how much they wanted it (they’re each 6’5").

So it might not be self-sabotage or dishonesty when a person “chooses” their current lifestyle vs losing weight. It could be that their journey is a more difficult one than yours.

It’s like when people judge the morbidly obese person for being lazy when they’re seen riding the carts in a grocery store. What the average person doesn’t realize is that just getting dressed and into the car might have exhausted them to the point that walking around the store isn’t possible.

Many times, it’s not laziness, dishonesty, or lack of desire that holds someone back. It could be pain, depression, lack of knowledge, hopelessness, etc that’s wearing them down. Telling them that they’re being dishonest with themselves is just another negativity for them to carry around and makes their load even heavier.

(hottie turned hag) #3

These things are the reasons one self sabotages; they are not mutually exclusive, they are interrelated. Self sabotage is the result of feeling like s**t.

Or it just may be the truth they need to hear to get them to improve.

Your examples are not germane; they are of things truly impossible to achieve due to factors beyond the person’s control vs implementing a weight loss/health improvement regimen which is not prevented by extraneous factors.

(Ron D. Garrett) #4

I’ve been a trainer for well over 30 years and just because this doesn’t apply to you doesn’t mean that self sabotage isn’t real as I see it everyday.

Whether it’s not using every tool that they can or whether or not their addictions control their behavior it’s still self sabotage even if the person isn’t aware of it.

Also, we are not talking about trying to become some Olympic level athlete either (I should know being a D1 athlete with Olympic level speed at one time) we are taking about setting goals and doing all that we can to achieve them on OUR level.

EVERYONE has the capability to do what they can for their health but the reality is that often people talk a good game but don’t want to put the work in and there is nothing wrong with speaking on that. It’s not always fun but it’s necessary. I would never have become the athlete that I did if I didn’t have coaches, teachers, or other leaders to point out to me when I was self sabotaging my efforts and since I couldn’t or at times didn’t want to see it (it hurts to know that you aren’t putting in the :100: when you think you are…but that truth is be unto grow to our potential) facing and learning about how I self sabotage from others that I trust helped me navigate through to become what I wanted to be and it helped me grow as a person which would have never happened had it not been pointed out to me by someone like me.

If this is not speaking to you then that is awesome but I’ve already heard from many people on my various social platforms that it spoke to and also maybe what you are saying here will help someone who is in your lane.

(Cindy) #5

I didn’t say that self-sabotage doesn’t exist.

There are usually multiple ways of telling people the truth “they need to hear.” There are encouraging and uplifting ways and then there are not so uplifting ways. Even that statement (the truth they need to hear) smacks of condescension because it implies that you (or anyone else) know the truth for that particular person. Unless you’ve lived that person’s life or have gotten to know them extremely well, then you cannot know their truth.

You’re talking about two different things, Ron. The emotional and physical health can vary quite a bit from the person who is trying to be the best athlete they can be and the people who “wanna lose weight.” It’s like when you see some FB meme about the 85 yr old lady who is still doing gymnastics and the caption is “If she can do it, what’s your excuse?” Well, let’s see…I didn’t start doing gymnastics at 3, I don’t have her flexibility, I don’t have her body type, etc. so I certainly can’t expect, even if I put in 100% effort, to be at her level even at 85.

Yeah, I’m touchy about this subject because I hate that assumption of “100%” effort. I’m a 2nd degree black belt. For YEARS, I did exercises to improve my flexibility, to improve strength and cardiovascular health. I practiced my techniques and forms, etc…but no matter how many hours I put into it, I was never going to be a top level athlete because of my body type. I also dealt with a lot of pain in my hips, but thought I just needed to do “more.” Eventually, I was diagnosed with an FAI and had an orthopedist tell me he was amazed that I did karate for so long because…DUH… it had to be painful!

An athlete already has a certain amount of fitness, confidence, positive reinforcement from previous successes, etc. There’s a good chance that the person struggling to lose weight is in an exact opposite place in that they’ve repeatedly tried, and failed, to lose weight. So saying “You’re lying to yourself” just adds to the negativity.

I’ll bow out of this discussion now because I suspect that it’s an “agree to disagree” type thing.

(hottie turned hag) #6

I concur.

(Ron D. Garrett) #7

Agreed. Be blessed!!

(Ketoviking) #8

Could you define “process”? I don’t disagree that self-sabotage exists, however does that include the margin and opportunity that the human form is flawed and thus gains and losses are part of the process or does the process only go in one direction based on your definition of it. Let’s make it personal, I have an extremist mentality and recently this year I lost 40lbs on keto, I’ve gained 11 back. See when I’m “on” cravings mean nothing to me I’m mentally engaged and spent 6 months at 5g of carbs. In the last few weeks I’ve slipped and now I just want to see how many pints of ice cream I can eat in a day. My desire is to get back on keto but the mental resolve is floundering. So is that just part of my process or does sugar and it’s addictive ability factor in as well? For a person who has mistreated their body for years and lived only a high carb high sugar diet are relapses expected and is that part of the process? Are old habits and behavior self sabotage by your definition?

(Ron D. Garrett) #9

Sabotage meaning anything that you do that is not a part of your weight loss or fitness plan (process).

Further, a plan only works when one is honest during the process about what their triggers are, what they are truly willing to give up/bring in for said process and by making an honest assessment of where one is at and where they want to be at what given time with tangible/reachable realistic goals.

Only YOU (meaning “us”) can determine these things and in working honestly on them can we make true progress since we are all aware that while losing weight/fat/getting fit begins at the table there are a number of factors that contribute to progress or a lack thereof and only you are a mentor hold the key.

(Art ) #10

The thing is KETO and IF can change the body way faster than we can change our minds.

It’s true we are in a different mindset to undertake the KETO journey but at the same time, the brain is filled with hundreds of destructive habits, routines and motivations.

There are some fat people that find being fat useful as a sexual defense mechanism. Sometimes because of trauma or not wanting to be sexually attractive and sometimes the opposite, trained by dogma to be repulsed by their own sexuality.

I was in SF once and saw the most beautiful young girl I’d ever seen, she was homeless and a drug addict but under all of that her natural beauty shined through. I was single at the time but realized while a shower, a trip to a department store for new clothes and makeup would fix the physical part, but whatever brought her brain to that corner she stood on would take years and maybe decades to fix.

None of us are any different, just different problems.

Even once you win the annual KETO award, you’ll want to and need to address the brain that created the need in the first place and you should be addressing it every day along the journey. #wecantwait

We all have the tendency to self-sabotage.

(Ron D. Garrett) #11

You arrived at the point. If this one was not speaking to you then fine. As a personal trainer I don’t allow my clients to participate on the excuse train because I won’t ride with them on it WHEN they are with me. If they can do it while they are with me then they can do it all of the time and it’s a choice.

“EVERYONE has the ability to self sabotage” as you said. Now, are we going to address it or make excuses. I’ve seen many sabotage their efforts ONLY to learn about how/why they did and they grew from it which is the intent of the message.

I feel where you are coming from but I’ve been in this game for over 30 years and the ones who change are the ones who learn to not make excuses, realize that there may be an “addictive” element to their behavior (has to be dealt with), and/or that they do t even realize that they are self-sabotaging their efforts since no one has alerted them to it which is what I’m doing here.

If YOU aware of your self sabotage and are okay with it or think that what I’m saying is foolish then that’s fine also but again I’ve found over the years that people will make excuses or ss if allowed…I don’t and it’s a precursor to my taking anyone on as a client to include my wife :joy:.

Thank you for replying and we may have different thoughts on this but it’s all good in the hood! Blessings

(Ron D. Garrett) #13

Thanks!!