Non-supportive parents

#1

My parents live out of town and I and my daughter have gone to visit them for the weekend. I have told them I am not eating carbs and doing the Keto diet. I have been here for the day and have politely declined chocolate milk, Oreos, and French fries. Now my mom gets out a box of chocolates and puts it in my face and asks if I want any. When I said no, she says “oh right, you are doing that diet thing. Well if you change your mind, they are right here”

Any advice as to how to deal with non-supportive parents, would be greatly appreciated.

(Doug) #2

:smile: A fairly direct assault on ketogenic eating, eh? Not everybody (even our parents) will be receptive to keto methodology, yet perhaps the explanation of the scientific rationale behind it is worth a try?

(Cristian Lopez) #3

As I always use to say…make them watch the magic pill LOL

(Running from stupidity) #4

Car bombs.

Or perhaps: “I’m looking after my health, no matter what anyone else does around me.”

(Allie) #5

Well done for resisting. I have no contact with my parents as they’re more toxic than any amount of highly processed carbs so can’t advise directly on parents, but I just decline whatever I’m offered elsewhere and eventually people (like my work) stop offering.

(Alex ) #6

Completely relate to this. Due to circumstances beyond my control I am bunking with my parents currently…

My dad likes to take control with the meals in the house, and as much he likes to feed us all and put his own “stamp” on certain food, I resist his efforts, then he just gets wound up when I tell him not to add marinades, sauces whatever to meat before he cooks it, or put mine in a separate baking tray etc etc.

He does not understand I need this level of control and can’t cut corners.

“Oh just a little bit of this won’t hurt you”

It will! :angry:

Last Sunday he made a big family dinner, and I just saw his jaw drop when I brought my digital scales to the table :joy:

People just don’t get it, my parents are of a different generation. I’m so OCD with my keto and calories and exercise, sometimes it’s just easier doing my thing and not trying to integrate into their mealtimes

(Running from stupidity) #7

#lifelessons

(Retta Stephenson) #8

It would be so nice to have the support from loved ones. But you do NOT NEED IT to be successful. Your goal is not to change people around you. You are doing this for YOUR health.
Some just don’t get it, and may never get it. But YOU do. And you can pass on this healthy approach to the next generation. Good on you for that!!

A weekend visit? You got this. It will only strengthen your resolve.

When I started several years ago, my husband said “I LOVE my carbs; I am NOT giving up my carbs”. This from an overweight diabetic with high blood pressure. So, I said okay, but I am fighting for my life here, and I am doing this for myself. You do not have to join me, but I WILL do this for me.

He tried to sabotage me (he didn’t get it either at first), and he watched. It took 2 full years for him to come to me and say maybe he would try it a little bit. It’s been gradual (I didn’t push), but he is finally full on low carb (not keto).

So hang in there. I’m sure in time your results will speak loud and clear to those around you. In the meantime… well… smile, love them, and ignore them! :smiley:

(Alex ) #9

It’s a similar story with friends sometimes, when YOU’RE the one losing the weight, feeling good, with a great plan in place, training hard, there’s ALWAYS someone, who feels they have the right to say “dont lose too much” or “you look really pale/gaunt” or “I prefer to eat what I want and enjoy all my food” - whatever.

Parents aside, a lot of people are just jealous that someone else is making positive strides ahead, they hate that someone else is getting nice comments about losing weight and abstaining from the bad things in life.

Just an observation of mine anyway…

(Omar) #10

my mom almost cries because I am not eating bread.

I have to visit here almost daily and every visit 90% of the time I spend with here she does not give up trying convincing me to quit keto.

There is no solution except being good son to my mother . There is no way I am even going to raise my voice.

#11

Thanks for all the comments and advice. I have just a 1/2 day before I leave. I can stay strong and ignore my parents comments.

And a shoutout to The Magic Pill movie. After I watched it i started Keto the next day!

(Cindy) #12

My mom grew up in the era of Weight Watchers. She firmly believes that CICO works. She’s 75 and still overweight after a lifetime spent trying various CICO methods. She’s also a type 2 diabetic with high blood pressure. When I told her I was changing to a ketogenic diet, she immediately says “Well, you know it’s about calories in, calories out.” I’m said “Really? We’ve tried that for years and it obviously hasn’t worked.”

I’ve spent the last couple of months not really caring about what I eat because I’ve been taking her to doctor’s appts for extensive stage SCLC. A bit of hopelessness there…as in, no matter how much we struggle, we all die, so what’s the point? She’s my best friend and I know I’m losing her in the very near future. :frowning:

But then, I don’t want to live the rest of my life with joint pain, hating what I see in the mirror, etc. So keto it is.

Sorry to turn this into a ramble. Just trying to say…do what you need to do, but try to appreciate that your mom is offering food and chocolates (hopefully) from a need to mother. Enjoy your time with her and just politely ignore the carbs.

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #13

My poor mom is such a trooper. For Sunday dinner she says, “Your brother is doing gluten free and his wife is vegetarian at the moment…what are you into right now?”

“Ketogenic, mom. Not eating carbs.”

“Ok, will make you some meat then.”

(bulkbiker) #14

I’m afraid my response would be “if you can’t make small accommodations to help me get better I and my daughter can’t be bothered to come and see you.” But I’m like that…

(bulkbiker) #15

And I guess your mum has a bit of everyone’s?

(squirrel-kissing paper tamer) #16

She lives a life of CICO restriction…so only a little :neutral_face:

(Carl Keller) #17

I’ve turned family pale when I told them what I am eating and not eating and that I can go for days at a time on water and salt. They are so conditioned to believe that humans need to eat every 4-8 hours that they seemed gravely concerned that I might pass out at any second. I simply told them that I feel amazing. I have not had this much energy since VCR’s were around. That quickly shut them up.

It’s not easy to speak keto to a carb zombie but if they love you, they can’t argue with how good you feel, both mentally and physically.

(Laurie) #18

@Ketomom3, I think all you can do is say something like “I’m fine.” If they persist, do the broken record: “I’m fine. Really” . . . “No thanks, I’m fine.”

My theory is that the more you say, the more they will argue. If you say anything else (e.g., “I need to do this” or “Please don’t offer me chocolates”) they will think of more things to say. If you keep saying “I’m fine,” they will run out of things to say. They might make fun of you once or twice (“Yeah I know, you’re fine”) but unless they are really mean people they won’t do this too much.

By the way, I’m with @Alex_PN: “sometimes it’s just easier doing my thing and not trying to integrate into their mealtimes.” I no longer eat with other people, except sometimes my boyfriend, who never hassles me. I admit that not sharing food and meals with others is kind of sad, but it can be done. Other people do it for various reasons (training for an athletic event, recovering from serious illness), and so can we.

Good luck!

(Troy) #19

Yup! It is sad.

Its their “S.A.D “—Standard American Diet
That’s the issue! :rofl:

We are doing just fine like u said😄

#20

Ignore the passive aggressive nonsense and keto on!