Most People Are Hesitant to Comment on Weight Loss

#1

I have lost a substantial amount of weight in the last year. Gone from a 22W to a 14 in most clothes. I still have some more to lose. I am over 50. Up until recently most people would say I looked about 42 (has not come up recently). These are not people trying to flatter me, for example was talking to a cashier who turned out to be a year younger than me (really looked older) and he mentioned a movie from 1975 that I was clearly too young to have seen or so he thought)

With prior diets 7 years ago everyone came up were remarking on the change. My weight loss is absolutely noticeable but people seem to be hesitant to mention it because they are afraid it might have been as a result illness?! I think I look perfectly fine and I think it is more that they have said it to other people who turned out to be ill so they are reluctant to mention it? They approach me in this quiet manner, and then when I reassure them that the weight loss was intentional they are very complimentary and ask what I have been up to. I guess it is a good life lesson for me not to automatically assume everyone is happy about weight loss Anyone else?

(Allie) #2

I’ve had people hesitantly ask me about it then actually say they’re relieved to hear it’s not caused by illness.

(Carolus Holman) #3

I came out (Keto-Out) to some co-workers last week, at dinner they noticed me not grabbing the bread basket. They all agreed I looked a lot skinnier but didn’t comment due to the hyper-pc environment that corporate America has become, (which in my opinion leave honesty and frankness at the door, this leads to poor business decisions) One gentlemen at dinner from eastern-Indian descent told me both his parents who live in India were diabetic and he was very interested in the Ketogenic science, I may had gotten a convert. I will pontificate to anyone who will listen!

(Karen Parrott) #4

Yes, because they’ve had their head chewed off by trying to be well meaning, but failing.

I use the “Nice to see you”. "How are you? " “You are glowing, what’s your secret?” and that opens the convo.

I’m a 40 year yo-yo dieter. The head pats and that’a girls wear off. And yes, many are sick due to cancer, anorexia, the flu. Once the window of discussion is open on good reasons for talking about weight loss or weight maintenance, then it’s better.

Yes, good topic, good lessons. I have experienced it. Several times someone has been overweight, had cancer, now been normal weight and well… it’s not cool, some of the things people say.

#5

It is interesting. We have an acquaintance who was not heavy but lost some weight a couple of years ago so now he is normal but thin. One of his friends kept insisting to me that he must be ill since he lost so much weight. Turns out I was sitting next to him at lunch recently and he eats mostly fruit and vegetables, no grains and is a pescatarian. Explains the weight loss well

#6

That is amazing. You seem relatively young. I assume in my case once you are over 50 you are at higher risk

(Ken) #7

One of the people I’ve been advising, who has lost 60lbs. In 60 weeks, has been asked several times by different associates if he was Ill.

(Liz ) #8

I think about this a lot! I’ve lost 45 pounds with almost no comments except from a few Baby Boomer folks who wanted to know how I did it because they want to lose weight as well.

In my broader social circle, which is mostly GenXers and younger, it’s generally considered rude to comment on someone’s size as it implies how someone looks is the most important thing about them when it is not. Also if you compliment someone on being slim, it kind of implies they look better now than when they were heavier and that can come off as insulting so people just don’t say anything or they say “You look great!”

There’s a lot of emphasis on body positivity and acceptance in my group as well, which I found very freeing and helpful when I was larger and feeling bad about it because of the negative things society had drilled into my head about overweight people. Once I stopped unconsciously judging (in my head) other people for their size, I was much kinder to myself as well. That was a much easier way to live even as I made the very personal decision to try to live in a smaller body. Being large was not for me, I spent decades in a large body and found it very uncomfortable. With lots of deprogramming from the terrible anti-fat messages I had internalized my whole life, I was finally able to see myself as beautiful at any size which took a terrible burden off my heart and made it possible for me to be kinder to myself which led me to seek out a way of eating that led to better health.

Now that I’m closer to goal than I ever have been in my adult life I feel like a secret fat person. If anyone makes a disparaging comment about someone who is larger or any sort of fat joke I gently let them know that kind of thing is not OK with me. I intend to remain an advocate for people of all sizes who have the right to be their size without stigma. I know I’m fighting against a tide of popular culture that idolizes the young and thin but I’m going to keep at it anyway. Whatever age you are, whatever size you are at this moment, please know you are a valuable human being deserving of love and peace.

(VLC.MD) #9

Keto Out !
/haahahahahahahahahahahaha.
in 2017, it’s easier to say “I’m Gay” than it is to say “I dont overeat carbs”.

Scandalous.
I’m surprised there wasn’t a Carb intervention.

#10

I think your post is great and I completely understand what you are trying to say and there was a point where I agreed with you completely. Interestingly it was right before I lost 60 lbs 7 years ago (gained 48 back eventually). The sad thing is that fat is the last form of permitted discrimination.

I come from an incredibly judgemental family. However we are more academic and achievement oriented than about asethetics. For example most of my family members own reasonably expensive cars (not me!) and never wash them until the day they have to return the lease. No one cares about clothing as long as you look neat and clean and not in any way outside normal. One of the reasons I want to lose weight is so I can wear anything without having to give much thought to it and I will still be presentable. My mother has a weight problem too but not to my extent. She has limited carbs and no longer has a weight problem. They try not to comment on my weight since they know it sets me off but I know it bothers them.

As I said I used to agree. Then I got a dog that needed to be groomed every 2 months (I had to have hypoallergenic otherwise would have gotten a mutt). She is adorable as a large cuddly bundle of fur in need of a trim and later that day as a sleek show dog wannabe (her relatives are show dogs but she is a companion). One thing I learned is that it takes me a little while to get used to her when she is groomed and how I perceive her and others perceive her changes based on how she looks. I know it is the same dog, she is not aware that she is any different but even we perceive her as such.

I have always believed that looks should not matter. I do believe that being a normal size is healthier. Speaking from experience it is so much easier in crowded or tight places! Yet from seeing my own reaction and perceptions about a well groomed pet vs a shaggy one I think that we as people do judge based on appearance and size. It may be an evolutionary thing which I realize is the standard excuse for behavior that we do not want but cannot seem to get past

(Sophie) #11

Do you think that some of the hesitation may be due to a small amount of jealousy?

#12

Not really. My heavier friends and people that I know were very supportive and were the ones to notice and comment.

The ones who comment the least are the naturally thin people I know. One person who I see a lot but we are not particularly close although I like her, when I brought it up, said I thought something had changed but I was not sure what it was. Hello I have lost over 4 dress sizes! More given that I mostly do not buy new clothes in plus size.

It is interesting you bring this up because I have a cousin who is a size 4/6. She is a healthy weight. She has been exercising for years, claims to enjoy it. Lately whenever I call her (which is not that often we had a falling out some time ago) she is exercising. I think it is odd and I think might be a competitive thing. I will see her soon and wonder if she will look even better than always. I still weigh significantly more than she so I am not sure why she even cares

(Dameon Welch-Abernathy) #13

I’ve found quite the opposite is true–people are commenting to me on it.
That said, I’m a lot more public about what I’m doing (both online and off) and I’m also “in the public” more than I have been.
People who saw me earlier in the year are amazed at the progress.

(You've tried everything else; why not try bacon?) #14

This is actually how Miss Manners suggests talking to people who have made significant improvements in their looks (“Not sure what it is, but you look great!” kind of thing). The reasoning, I think, is that being too specific emphasizes how bad the person looked before. Sort of how “You look really great today” implies that the person normally looks terrible. Except that it sucks for those of us who want recognition, lol! :bacon:

#15

I’ve had the same thing happen to me too, and I find it frustrating. Like are you blind people, can’t you see how much weight I’ve lost. The thing I’ve noticed about humans is how shallow a lot of people are, and they really don’t pay attention to others. They’re living in a self absorbed bubble. I work in the beauty industry so I know that just goes along with that line of work. I’m finding customers that I was invisible to all of a sudden being nice. I agree that some people don’t want to compliment you because it may come as if you weren’t looking as good before. I still want to hear it sometimes though. Being overweight then losing weight just gives you so much insight into humans. I have to say that the people that treated me great when I was overweight are the people I like the most. They are just real.

#16

This is something that scares me. Fortunately no one is being any nicer to me. Seriously, just as when I was heavier I did not know if it was my weight or simply my slightly abrasive personality (not really kidding) or something else and now I will not know if people are being nicer because we have found common ground or because I look more acceptable

#17

I think that I read this on here; most people don’t notice that you’ve lost weight until you’ve lost 35 pounds or more!

(Carolus Holman) #18
  • I have to agree, I have noticed considerably more people paying attention to me, being friendlier and have had an overall lift in social-meat-space likeability, online no difference, this shows me that people judge you on the way you look, it is normal, it is human. It may be also that I have more confidence and people are reacting accordingly, however I think it is harder to chnage your personality than your weight. - But one more thing, I have noticed since dropping carbs, I find myself listening to people more, and not pre-reacting to comments, positive or negative, I can see my carb-loaded-sarcasm as if through a lens of time, I can feel my initial urge to respond, but my brain catches that and allows me to temper and enjoy the interaction. I wonder if a KETO-fired brain has more Executive-Motor function/control than a fight or flight Carb-Loaded brain!!!
#19

I don’t think I’ve ever commented on someone’s weight. It just seems rude and kind of presumptuous. When someone looks particularly good, I’ll say that but honestly it’s not a code for weight loss; I just notice when someone looks particularly vibrant or healthy and say something to that effect (“wow, you look great!”).

I’m up for talking weight and health if someone brings it up (about themselves) and otherwise I figure it’s really none of my business.

Saphire, I hope your event goes well this week!

#20

Its interesting, I was coming here to post about something and this was the first thread that came up. Even before I saw the name on the thread, I could tell it was something I posted. December 2017 was right before a big event that I was hosting and it was my lowest weight since at least 1999. Event went great but I was happy it was over.

I ended up gaining a bunch back starting in January 2018, no idea why. It was about 9 months after I had started Keto and there is the whole set point theory (your body wants to get back to a comfortable weight) or I may have been overzealous because of the event and afterwards relaxed. Gained Slowly at first but then more during Covid but have lost it again. I now almost exactly what I weighed then, maybe even a lb or so less. I have been exercising differently in the interim so I think I do look better. I have been steadily losing weight (0-3 lbs per month) since July 2023. Other than also doing low carb, I generally do not eat anything after 5 or 6 and it seems to make a huge difference.

I still have another 50 to lose but I am no longer what someone would describe as large or heavy. I no longer stand out because of my weight which I love. I do look much older, not what anyone would describe as age 42, but I am not sure that has anything to do with weight loss, simply age post menopause. I would love to find a way to reverse that but I do not think it will happen unless they suddenly find a cure for aging.

I have had people I play tennis with comment when I suddenly looked thinner about 6 months ago after dropping 10 lbs or so. They only met me in 2023. Tonight at a gathering a family member commented postively although it lead to a rather frustrating discussion on weight in general. She is naturally thin and what she believes a healthy eater (avoids red meat in quantity of course), and still does not seem to get that weight is usually not in the person’s control beyond a couple of pounds. She also does not get the basic premise that most people do not have the tools to get themselves healthy because they believe in the USDA My Plate and similar advice. There is so much I disagree with on it, especially the 6 ounces of grains, the two cups of fruit, and the low fat for dairy (I like dairy if you can tolerate it but not low fat)
https://www.usda.gov/about-usda/news/blog/2017/09/26/back-basics-all-about-myplate-food-groups
If I ate the recommendations for a 2000 diet, there is no way I could lose weight.

A number of things have changed from 2018. While I have not tried them and do not plan to, the GLP1s I think have changed the nature of fat prejudice to an extent. Not completely but to a larger extent than I would have believed in 2018. It was a big step when Oprah did her special. The line I loved was when she realized that not everyone has cravings or are motivated to overeat. The knowledge that weight is not a charcter flaw or a product of one of the seven deadly sins but is hormonal and genetic is a big step toward fat acceptance. It is also a big step toward mangement and treatment for those who want to change their size. Although I worry that it will be yet another chronic condition managed by medication. Eating processed and poorly do have repercussions no matter what you weigh. I think the GLPs work for many people but it means that they are not changing what they eat, only eat less in general

I think what Oprah said is in many ways similar to what Taubes said in one of his more recent books. Paraphrasing but most people believe that a fat person is simply a lean person who gained weight and that is not true. There are fundamental metabolic differences. I happy to see this is finally a realization for at least some experts

I have never gained weight the way they say, that you put on a couple of pounds a year and it adds up, no I have gained 10lbs in a month, sometimes for a couple fo months straight. In my late 20s I gained a tremendous amount of weight in a short period of time on a few occasions. The one weird thing is I weigh exactly what I weighed when I was 30. I looked very heavy then having just gained about 40 lbs in 2 years. I wore about three dress sizes larger as well. Although I know dress sizes have changed in the US and gotten bigger, I was definitely plus sized then and I am not really now even though I weigh the same. If anything I should have looked thinner then since it was 25 years ago and I had more muscle.

Other then at that time period, I actually usually look smaller than I should given what I weigh. I always wonder what that is. It seems to be true whether I exercise or not as well. Is heavy bones a thing? I have checked and I have a small-med frame so I think not. I think back to what my ideal weight was at 25 and I cannot imagine weighing that as I would be skin and bones, even though back then I wore a size 8 Women’s so was not particularly thin