Keto is great, but what do you do about

#1

This might be a long post. I’m a bit ranty today.

First off, I might just be a keto poster child right now. I started 6 weeks ago, had just a day or two of keto flu, and been steady losing since day one. I’ve lost several inches and had to order both new scrubs for work and underwear because things were falling down, pants that hurt to wear now fit great. I’m also a vegetarian and yet still, results every week. Don’t know how much weight because I refuse to buy a battery for my scale lol. I feel like this is better. I’ll find out at my next doctors visit. Wasn’t prediabetic or anything before though. I have gone from eating nearly constantly from about 3pm til bedtime to pretty much one meal a day except in the weekends when I do lunch and dinner. No problems with eating and just being done for the day. Fasting 18-24 hours is easy as can be.

Boyfriend, who was the catalyst for the lifestyle change not doing as well. He eats meat. He had some hiccups with not paying close enough attention to carbs at first. He didn’t weigh himself until after I feel like he went through the water loss stage (there’s a scale at his work that doesn’t need a battery :wink:) He’s weighed himself 2 times two weeks apart and his weight is the same. However, his pants are looser and he had to go down a notch in his belt. But he thinks it’s not working and no matter how much I tell him it is, it’s like he doesn’t hear it. He is going slower because I think he feels like he hear “Keto Diet” and should be eating large amounts of fat all the time. He eats 3 times a day and often when I make what I think should be 3-4 serving of food, I’ll take a plate and he’ll take the rest and end up eating more carbs and sometimes near 3000 calories a day. It’s begun to frustrate me. I don’t want to be a nutritional nitpicker at him. I’ve begun getting more real meats for him to try to lower his carb intake and I even offered to start eating seafood again as I have been thinking I need to open up my palate a little more if I’m going to sustain this in the long run. I just don’t know how to be encouraging and also get him to be more aware of what he’s eating and see how he might be more successful if he’s more aware of the quantity and ingredients he’s eating. He thinks he can eat all the cabbage because cabbage “is allowed”, if that makes sense. It’s a lot to handle when I’m also trying to eat a whole new way. Do any of you have a similar situation?

Also I want to add that I love him very much and we are very happy. It’s more about how do handle someone your care about not quite putting in the effort you are to eat this way

(Jennibc) #2

He’s going to have to come to it himself. I have been married for 22 years (but we’ve been cohabitating for 24) My husband was never obese, at the most he was carrying around 10 extra pounds a few years ago. Anyway, he didn’t cut out grain until FIVE years after I did because he finally realized that it might be an issue. It took him about 3 months to follow suit with sugar last year. Just keep being a good example. Unless his health is at a critical stage, just let him be but request that he respect you enough to not eat crap in front of you when you are trying to make this change.

(Pete A) #3

This.

(Catherine) #4

I will have to agree with Jennibc and Pete_A. My husband and I are both considered obese. I started Keto almost 3 months ago and have lost 21 pounds (as of today). My husband loves his grains and sugars. So do I but these things got us in the shape that we are in and I know that I have to eliminate them.

We both grew up meat and potato kids (farms). As adults, I call us foodies. We love food, all kinds of different food. But there will come a point, you look in the mirror and you don’t recognize yourself anymore. People have to want that change. You can’t make someone else want it as well. You can try to be encouraging. I thought when my husband had seen me losing weight, it would encourage him to join this journey with me but it hasn’t yet. Maybe eventually but for now it hasn’t.

Here I am still making his sweet tea, mac n cheese, mash taters and gravy with our meat for dinner. I’m eating the meat with some butter. lol.

I just want him to respect my way of eating and I’ll respect his. Hopefully one day, he will come around.

What is the saying??You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

Good Luck!

(John) #5

This is very true. My wife is very supportive of my change in eating, but she’s still on a more carb-centric diet. While I think she could probably benefit by joining me, I don’t try to preach or push it.

She could probably benefit from losing some weight and has some other health conditions that might improve, but she’ll have to decide to try it or not on her own. She has read some of the books and research so the seed is planted.

There’s no way I would have made this change if it had been pushed on me from someone else before I was ready to do it myself. The motivation and decision to change has to come from within.

(Scott) #6

He can decide how hard core he wants to be but he can’t escape this fact. If you go to high on carbs on a regular basis he will be correct “this doesn’t work”. I go a bit higher on carbs (<50g) but but all of mine come from low carb veggies and wine. That’s it, no cheating, no fries, no pizza and nothing sweet. Keto WOE does not forgive cheaters IMO.

#7

I guess what’s frustrating is that this was as much his idea as mine and we are doing it together for support. If I had decided on my own and expected him to follow that would be different. I mean, I’m a vegetarian and he’s not and I’ve never tried to change that, so I’m really cool about every persons personal choice. I guess it’s just frustrating me this morning. My hope is maybe he’ll tighten up the carbs and amount as he sees me succeed.

Also I might feel a little guilty because this is relatively easy for me and it’s not for him or a lot of people

(Jennibc) #8

Guilt should only accompany your having intentionally done something to wrong another person or when you have not lived up to the REASONABLE standards you have set for yourself. Then it serves the purpose of ensuring you don’t engage in antisocial behavior in the future and that you keep in mind your moral code. Being lucky or having an easier time at something is a random occurrence and nothing you did. Why shoulder a negative feeling that serves no purpose other than to trouble you? Guilt will only make it harder for you to stick with it.

(Little Miss Scare-All) #9

You may be a couple, but youre not one in the same person. All you can do is set a good example for him, rock it yourself, get some good results and maybe thatll be the catalyst for his own change. Actions speak louder than words.

And tbh, I personally cant stand when someone gets into something new and becomes preachy about it. I generally shut my ears off in defiiance lol. Like oh here comes the johnny come lately talking like a lifelong master. Ive done it myself and looking back, its cringeworthy. I hate it. Not saying youre like that, just having my own rant here lol.

#10

Maybe if he did a macro tracker (like My Fitness Pal) he could see it in black and white, from an unbiased source. Sometimes our loved ones don’t want advice from us, but some random person at work could say the SAME THING and suddenly it’s gospel lol.

(Stickin' with mammoth) #11

If he decided to scrap it all and go back to a SAD life, would you be able to zip yer lip, continue on your own, and love him unconditionally, anyway, without a single thought?

If so, you’re ready for rings. If not, time for a little Marie Kondo from the neck up or the boyfriend down.

#12

My husband’s ex-wife could not do it. That says it all, I suppose.
I didn’t know what it was until I was in it and learned more about it because I adapted to his lifestyle very easily(we have similar outdoor activities). It was more of a non-conversation. I just learned by trying different things and eliminating nonsense (carbs and sugar). Obviously I saw the advantages to ketogenic living over time and adapted completely. I would not date someone who isn’t able to live the same way. I’m sorry to say this. It wouldn’t work. If my husband fell off the band wagon, we’ve agreed mutually to separate.

Eating habits and choices in food play a very large role in the way we live as humans: from the way we we procure (find) our foods, to the way we interpret and identify with active/fitness lifestyles or levels. If I ever failed this lifestyle I would never want him to be attached to me. The differences would be too vast and we would not be the same people.

I hope you both find some middle ground or reach some solutions or have the peace/wisdom to let go if you’re not meant for each other.

(You've tried everything else; why not try bacon?) #13

Sounds as though there’s some body-recomposition going on there! If he’s put on some muscle, it could compensate for the fat loss, where the scale is concerned. So his way of eating is definitely working. But I’m surprised to hear this is happening with a guy, because it’s usually a gal thing.

The calorie count is not so relevant. There is a famous case in the literature of a study particpant whose intake was 3000 cal, eating to satiety, and he lost just as much fat as the other participants. And Sam Feltham, the British nutrition activist, did an experiment in which he ate 5000 cal/day for a month—his weight barely changed, but he lost an inch, I believe. As long as your hubby is eating to satiety, he should be fine.

I don’t know if you’re the one to get through to your husband on this, but keto is not actually about eating fat. The point of eating fat is that it’s a minimally insulinogenic replacement for the calories lost by reducing carbohydrate intake (which is maximally insulinogenic).

You may just have to let the poor guy flounder and come to his own realizations. It is possible to be too close to someone to be able to help them. There is also an effect where we say things a hundred times to someone, and then a stranger comes along and says the same thing—but that’s when the person finally hears it. But you have to be there to do the nagging, so that the stranger’s words can finally get through.

(I was like that with table manners. Miss Manners’ books finally got through to me, but if Mom hadn’t nagged me about good manners all my life, not even Miss Manners could have gotten through, lol! It was really annoying for Mom, though, which I now regret.)

(Carl Keller) #14

First off, congrats on your success Acnickel!

Second, if your boyfriend has been doing keto as long as you, tell him to consider one thing:

If our body has learned how to burn fat for fuel and if we keep filling our bellies with fat, the body won’t see the need to metabolize any body fat since it can fulfill all its energy needs with what is being eaten.

It’s possible he’s at the point of fat adaptation and if he can try to not make fat a part of his every bite of food, it just might get the scale moving. If he can lower his fat intake and his level of hunger does not increase, then he is definitely at that point.

(Khara) #15

You can’t control him. You can only control you. So do what’s right for you. Enjoy the process. Enjoy your successes. For him, be supportive and encouraging in a lighthearted way but don’t try to control what he eats and don’t have expectations of what he will eat. Controlling and expectations will just lead to resentments for both of you. Relax. Breathe. Let go of him. Detach in a loving way and allow him space to find his own path. Best wishes to you both…

#16

I had a similar problem with my husband. I started eating keto about 3 months before my husband. I was really excited about it. I read 12 books and watched 60 hours of keto conference videos. I wanted to talk about it all the time because I was so excited. He would just roll his eyes every time I tried to share information. My husband is diabetic, was on all the meds, very non-compliant eater for a diabetic, sucked down diet sodas all day (his one concession to no sugar), ate absolutely anything he wanted, grazed from waking until bedtime. I would try to reason with him but eventually realized he would have to come to it on his own. One day I started talking about fasting and he argued that no one could live healthily while fasting. I told him about the guy that fasted for an entire year and he fussed at me enough to make me cry! At that point I just decided I had enough and wasn’t going to mention it again at all. That day he skipped lunch, said he wasn’t hungry. Then skipped dinner. Then confessed the next day he was going to continue to “fast” to see how long he could go. He fasted for 5 days!!! That is what finally did it for him, to realize that he could fast and feel ok and not die!
I was already cooking keto meals at home. I told him he could eat whatever he wanted to away from home but that all the meals at home and all the food I bought would be keto compliant. I asked him to respect that because it was the only way I could stick to it. He complained occasionally about cauliflower “mac n cheese” instead of the real thing, but he ate it. He did eat junk away from home, still got popcorn at the movies (a large that he would consume all on his own!), etc. but eating keto at home was enough to help him lose a bit of weight and then the fasting really kicked it up a notch. He still goes “off program” some (no longer gets popcorn at the movies, yea!), but he gets now that he can control his diabetes with food and fasting. He is off all meds now, including blood pressure and triglycerides and freely confesses that he feels much better now.
So my advice would be, yes, realize he has to come to it on his own; but, you may be able to help that along by keeping everything at home keto compliant. And, if you aren’t already practicing intermittent fasting, try to slowly add that in. And then just realize that he may never get to your level of understanding and desire to comply. Best of luck, keep reaching out to the keto community for support!