Tell someone made a comment to me and I felt insulted over it. It really pissed me off and I’m feeling kind of upset about it.
Basically, what happened was someone said “You’ve look like a good weight” and I thought they were giving me a compliment, so I say “Thank you” then they said “I didn’t mean it in a good way, looks like you lost weight a little too fast, Are you trying to lose weight?”
And I think it hurt more because I thought it was a compliment at first. Also I am not under weight at all, I’m skinner then most people, but I still have a decent amount of body fat. Was her comment uncalled for?
I think sometimes the fat goes away fast enough that it alarms people and they think you’re sick. Also, the skin can be a little loose after a rapid loss phase and gives a saggy look to the face, which can be interpreted as illness or tiredness.
I think it’s absolutely uncalled for. I get the same thing a lot from family members who don’t understand my WOE or why I do it.
To me, it’s no different than if I was to tell them I think they’re eating too much and called them fat. I would NEVER say that to anyone. It drives me crazy.
I’m in the same boat. Someone I’ve known for many years at my gym told me he was going to call the anorexia police on me. Sure I’m much thinner than I’ve been in years but I’ve actually increased the amount of muscle. Instead of just asking me, he made that stupid comment. And I finally convinced my husband that when I’m fasting or skip dinner because I not hungry, I’m not “trying to be anorexic” as he told me. I think not eating and successful weight loss freak people out, especially when they are used to seeing you lose weight then regain it again repeatedly, like in my case until keto.
Unless it’s someone close to you who is genuinely concerned about your health - and in that case it would hopefully be phrased lovingly and gently- I will never understand why a person feels compelled to comment on another person’s weight. It’s just rude.
One of my favorite sayings is “what other people think of me is none of my business”.
(Although I’m still working on consistently taking that to heart myself…)
Life is just too short to give a damn about offensive people; instead be proud of all that you’ve accomplished. Good work!
I think it comes down to knowing the person that said it, their personality, and your relationship with them. I think a lot of the time when weight comments are on the other side (thin) most of the time it’s (probably) out of concern like it was said, rapid weight loss is mentally tied with sickness in todays society. I think many people these days get their balls busted by somebody and get hypersensitive about it and start finding insults when none were intended. Not to say sometimes people aren’t just passive aggressive douchebags either because we all know that’s true but it seems MANY aren’t capable of understanding the difference anymore. If your don’t know or can’t tell ASK! You may learn something about the other person.
I used to work with a guy that you could hear him getting fatter. This was when I was doing Atkins years ago. One day I said Hey you loose weight, you look smaller? He gets a confused look and says “no, do I?” So I go NO DUDE! You trying to kill yourself or something WTF? (keep in mind I’d known him for a while and watched the damage happen) Then he told me he botched his diet tried them all etc same stuff we’ve all been through so I gave him my Atkins book and a bunch of my regular recipes and he went at it like a crazy person. Told him to call me all he needed if he had questions. Starting loosing the weight like crazy! He must have thanked me for almost the 2 more years I worked there because he said he needed the push. I busted his balls out of concern and it was what helped him. I wouldn’t say that to somebody I just met obviously but Guys do that. You really gotta apply ALL the facts when deciding the intent of what somebody says. I’m literally dealing with somebody doing that to me right now. It’s very easy to focus on certain things and ignore content to create something that didn’t happen AND sometimes certain personality type are just hypersensitive to the world around them. Only you can decide what really happened but don’t assume everybody is trying to insult you. I like to think most people aren’t THAT douchey.
Oh dear. I think the problem is people are used to diets almost always failing. The only times most people see a dramatic weight loss is when someone has had bariatric surgery, or is gravely ill.
But the more people we all talk to about our experiences, honestly and forthrightly, the more people will try this diet and the more people in general will get used to seeing people going from morbidly obese to normal weight.
I’ve had this experience as well, and I’ve felt a bit offended by it too. In my case I think those negative reactions stem from some people honestly not understanding what a healthy weight looks like. When I think of it like that I can usually manage to drop my anger and feel bad for the person…usually, but not always
I’ve experienced this as well. Being in recovery, a lot of my friends like to “tease” me and ask me what I am smoking (referring to a stimulant). I had a friend who is a nurse tell me that I have lost too much weight in a short amount of time. What I think, personally, is it boils down to ignorance. I say that in the nicest way possible. Some people just don’t realize how quickly you can get results from this diet. I too have felt offended when someone accuses me of smoking something to get my weight down or if I am even eating. The truth is, I am eating less but because I eat so much fat, it fills me up quicker thus I don’t have to eat a lot all the time.
Keep doing your thing and reap the benefits of Keto! KCKO!
Dear @JEarle99, I am so sorry you received such an invalidating message. I’m with @PattyW and wrote a similar comment recently:
There is so much great love and support from other members above. I have a little self-empowerment tool to share.
There is an important principle in relationships (it is straightforward AND challenging to practice) that I’ll put into the first person: No one can hurt my feelings unless I allow them to.They simply behave according to their scripts (which is 99.7% about them). It doesn’t make them right. I’m the one who interprets their actions. I authorize it to hurt.
So what is there to do? When this happens to me and I realize it, I choose to take away the authority that I had unconsciously granted them. How? I picture them and their invalidating behavior in my mind. Then I silently (or out loud if I’m alone) say to my mental picture of them “Thank you for sharing your invalidation. I choose not to accept. Good day.”
They need not be present nor ever need to know. This isn’t about them, it is about me letting go of my choice to be hurt.
Oh, and then I’d also forgive them (mentally) for their invalidation, so I can completely let it go and not hold onto the resentment.
And of course, if it is someone important to me, I might want to compassionately (i.e., with pre-forgiveness) let them know how their words landed for me and how they might provide me with more supportive feedback in the future.
I used to get this all the time. I’ve always been big, since childhood, so when I found keto and started loosing weight everyone thought I was killing myself! It’s been almost 3 years and I’m close to maintenance. There are still a few who think I’m too skinny. But the majority of the people I’m around have gotten used to the new me or they never knew me before. The ones new to me have a hard time believing I was ever fat!
I’ve learnt to wait until people say “you look great” before i say thank you. So many people just say “you’ve lost so much weight”. My brain hears “you used to be so fat”! I know, very sad haha. I make a point of telling people they’re ‘looking well’ if i notice someone has lost weight.
The comment you received seemed very back-handed…
Oh I am so sorry you had this experience. I have soooo many thoughts about this but tend to agree with @Christopher Avery especially about not personalizing and not giving your power away. Here’s what is very messy with trying to imagine good intention with provocative opinions, it doesn’t make much difference if the person tossing the opinion bombs about says “gee, I didn’t mean it to hurt you” when it blows up. It does help that they maybe take responsibility or acknowledge the power of their words intended or not. Then forgiveness and rebuilding the relationship bridge can happen. But since you don’t have the power to make them show up different you can only invite them to be enlightened. And that takes being vulnerable and strong. That can undo shame. Yourself will love you for it:)
Ugh.
People.
Happens all the time to me.
I work to remember that people have a right to be wrong, and they frequently are!
It’s okay to be unsettled for a bit. Then, shake it off!
I support you.
I take the "Cow in the parking lot " approach. IF someone steals my parking spot as I’m about to drive into it, I’ll be mad. If a cow wandered along and took the spot I’d laugh. The reason I get mad with people is my expectations that they have the same value system of respect as I do - or the same knowledge base to understand the basic principles of queuing. So… erm… let them moo, it’s okay - they don’t know any better. (This from a book called “The Cow in the Parking Lot - a Zen approach to anger management”) its a good read…
Miss Manners says personal comments are always uncalled for and children must be taught. “Your slip is showing” can be fixed. " Your teeth are yellow" is a rude personal comment.
Ignore their bad manners.
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