How to defeat self sabotage


(EJames) #1

If I put this in the wrong place, let me know and I’ll hunt for a new home.

I have received some fantastic, truly invalueable advice from some people on this forum to whom I am so grateful for.

I have everyone in my life who is so supportive when I discussed this way of living/eating.

I have done the WW, Medifast, even keto before. I have been very sucessful in losing weight. My body loves to be thinner, or to lose the weight. But I can not keep it off. Further, when people start noticing my weight loss, I am told constantly “You look great”, “Keep it up”, “Wow, your very very pretty”, etc

But truthfully it is the very last thing I want to hear-strange I know. I cringe when I hear it because I know this is the ‘beginning’ of me to fall off the wagon and let the big ugly bully of my little voice out of the depths of my cellar. The one that tells me it’s okay–'everyone says you look beautiful, one little piece of cake won’t hurt you" and I let it take over.

The bullshit artist, my pathetic bully of a voice- wins. Then the poundage creeps back up. And whatdaya know, I’m at the weight I started with, with even MORE weight packed on–usually 20 more pounds.

Has anyonne dealt with this successfully, and how or what did you do/say to create a new mindset?


(KetoQ) #2

I once read something to the effect of, “You would never let others talk to you the way you let that little guy in your head talk to you.”


#3

Lost my first 70lbs, gained it back, lost it again +30 more. Been there. For me it was a combination of having to do it a second time, plus unlike the first time I actually now not only understand the science behind why this works, and how that part of our brains takes control and sells us out but how HORRIBLY terrible our recommended diet is for our bodies, THAT by itself holds a lot of weight with me. Plus, if you think of this as a diet, that’s all it is. Committing to a different way of eating (which is easy to do when your reason is more than weight loss) makes a big difference in your continuing success with it.


#4

I am watching this thread eagerly as I am the master of self sabotage. The worst part is that I do it on purpose. It’s a weird form of self punishment or self harm. A “who cares I hate everything anyway” sort of attitude.


(Nathan Toben) #6

I’ve mentioned this pattern of mine before in another thread. My experience has shown me that just in the same way that a muscle becomes sore after use, my willpower wanes as I lose weight and near a lower end threshold. At this point, my psychology actually subtly changes and I find myself eating at a surplus. It is not like I am consciously CHOOSING to eat at a surplus, it is more like the sober alcoholic who, with years of sobriety, walks in to a bar in a kind of “fugue state” and is “struck drunk”. I am struck eating at a daily surplus and gain back about 10 lbs. Now, on the upper end of my yo-yo threshold, I become hyper aware of the discomfort both mentally and physically that the extra weight incurs. My brain-muscle is then leveraged to eat better and keep a cleaner routine and thus I begin to drop weight again.

So what is the solution? Based on what I have outlined above, there is something here about mind-body connections and perceptions that needs to shift to the left (lower set point). The body feels regular and regulated at a certain set point and if we lose weight in a deregulating way, we may outwardly look healthy but cellularly and neurologically, we are imbalanced. It may be that we want to parallel the Boiling Frog parable with our weight loss / body recomposition.

Implementing a well-formulated ketogenic diet as best we can, mostly with a non-restrictive mentality, over weeks and months, our digestive health improves and it becomes more arduous (and if we are being honest about our nutrition) its also quite stuffing to continually overeat high fat-moderate protein-low carbohydrate.

Over time the body-mind connection will experience a shift. The body will be reassured that it is safe, well-fed and will be fed well again. This is when we see our fellow ketonians safely fasting effectively, breaking their fasts effectively, resuming their nutrition effectively. No panic, no binge, no increased stress hormones.

Maybe this is an indication that their mind-body set point is ready to shift to the left, gradually. Not 3+ pounds lost a week, but 1 pound lost a week, a half a pound lost a week or even less.

The slower and more consistently we lose weight insofar as our mental-muscle is still effectively placated to, the greater the chance our physiology will actually adapt to a lower set point.

That voice you hear in your head, I got it too. Once we realize that it is an absolutely useful voice, not just that negative self-speak it is condemned to being, the quicker we can realize that it is the very real integration of the tens of thousands of little measurements your body and mind are taking into account to protect you.


(Pete A) #7

This has been my experience as well, but with Keto it seems to be different this time. I think it’s because of the food and “diet” itself. I dont want non-keto foods. I reached a comfortable baseline weight in April, and still am ketoing on with no let up in sight. And my body is still transforming.

Past experince does not necessarily predict the future. It CAN be different this go 'round. It is a lot to reconcile but looking long term cqn be worth it!

Good luck.


#8

I totally understand! It can be so uncomfortable to have people commenting on you. I used to tell people they looked good, or slim. I don’t do that anymore. At a push, if I really want to say something, I’ll say ‘you look fit, or well’. But the word ‘look’ can be pretty loaded. You don’t look good, you ARE good. Your body doesn’t look good, it IS a good body.
I think we get this external thing, and it doesn’t help.

What might help is that you remember you have a choice in all this. You are choosing to eat a certain way because… I would say it’s vital that the reasons are anything but weight loss or being thin. No one is making you eat certain things. You are allowed to be fat or have fat on your body. It helps to be aware of the payoff of that. Less comments, more time to yourself …whatever. you don’t look a certain way for other people. I used to have a big hang up about this. Another thing that helped me is to be radically kind to myself. I would repeat loads of positive affirmations to myself. As cheesy as that seems, but usually our worst enemy is ourselves. Other people can be so annoying with their silly words! But your words are the most important.

Went off on a bit of a tangent there. If I think of anything else, I shall let you know
Hope some of this made sense :blush: