How do I help my Diabetic Dad?

#1

My dad is a Type 2 diabetic and as my mom describes it, its unmanageable. I dont know whether its a mix of low will power, depression, denial, or laziness, my dad rarely deals with it. He takes his blood glucose a couple times a week only, doesnt watch what he eats ever, is fairly sedentary, and his insulin dose levels are slowing going up (likely more and more insulin resistance). On top of that he doesnt usually cook for himself and enjoys the typical American diet of highly processed everything, packaged and ready prepared so you can microwave it or toss it in the oven with minimal to no effort.

It really upsets me, scares me, and makes me fear for my dads life (diabetes, high cholesterol, overweight, all the signs of metabolic disease/ insulin resistance). My mom has tried to get him to care more but its gotten to the point if she mentions it at all, he gets angry. I wanted to try and approach him about maybe not going Keto entirely, but maybe just starting slow and cutting out pasta and bread.

Does anyone have experience approaching an unwilling family member? I know at the end of the day, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink…but are there some good suggestions on how to bring up the topic and make it palpable? The sheer amount of routine change he would have to make is likely already enough to prevent him from trying. I want to somehow bring it up in a non threatening way and make it seem exciting or fun.

(LeeAnn Brooks) #2

Wish I had some suggestions for you, but I don’t.

Just want to wish you the best in your efforts. That’s a scary place to be in. Good luck and the best to your dad.

(Troy) #4

I[quote=“MissSimon, post:1, topic:48397”]
I want to somehow bring it up in a non threatening way and make it seem exciting or fun
[/quote]

First of all. I’m sorry about this
Tough one

Continue to Love on Him
You mentioned “ fun “ so, I will run w that
Perhaps , if he’s up to it, try to include a all family help or cooking experience?
Make dinner together
Make it simple , but KETO -ish
So it’s w more inclusive experience as opposed to an isolated scenario

Not sure if this helps

I have has some success w the above w my Dad
Baby steps

Good Luck

(Omar) #5

not possible in my experience

#6

Just say really positive things about how things are going for you, such as “I’ve completely changed my diet and I feel absolutely amazing” stuff like that; but of course drop it in a natural non cheesy way.

Maybe even instigate a conversation around him; i.e. where he’s there but doesn’t form part of it but there are openings for him listen or engage if he wants; even if he does not you may have Sewn the seeds; sometimes you have to sew them a few times the human brain will eventually click even if it’s a subconscious thing.

(Vivienne Clampitt) #7

Very difficult. My Dad had complications from diabetes, he tried hard to help himself. but I didnt have the knowledge some 6 or so years ago to help him because if I had he would have listened and done everything he could to battle diabetes.
He died 2 1/2 years ago. He had heart failure, a brain bleed resulting in vascular dimentia, became bed bound in his last year and he was on a multitude of medications for diabetes ( several pills and insulin), blood pressure ( a coulple of tablets!), statins ( which towards the end he refused to take), blood thinners you name it and each time he ended up in hospital they either changed medication or addedd more tablets in. I swear that when the end was near they took away all of his meds, apart from the insulin and statin (which he wouldnt take) and he was more alive in those final 2 weeks than he had been in the previous 2 years or so.
My Mom was his carer and I tried to get her to change his diet, but she was so angry with the situation she was in, she wouldnt listen and continued to feed him sweets, chocolate, bread, potatoes etc. It was difficult !
Try to do the best you can, it is not easy to live with these circumstances. i wish you luck and hope that you can get your father to listen to you.

(Julie Harrington) #8

You are definitely the biggest advocate for this way of life! What you say and do, and how you conduct yourself in life is not going unnoticed. My dad is also a type 2 diabetic. I have this conversation with him often. He told me straight up, “old habits die hard.” I know he wants to change, but there is a measure of fear and a reluctance to willingly deprive themselves of things they think they can’t live without. There has to be a certain level of desperation for people to want to change. My level of desperation came when my eyes started to bleed and my feet developed painful neuropathy. That was when I decided to seek my own treatment and go against doctor’s orders. There is certainly fear of going against doctor’s orders too. Especially for people of my dad’s generation. They had no internet growing up to do their own research, or to find alternative treatments or ideas to deal with their issues. They were primed to not ask questions and to trust what their doctors say, so going against a doctor is a foreign concept to him.
I think I would have continued the path I was on if I didn’t face that additional pain of those complications. People will often adjust themselves with dealing with something if they aren’t overly inconvenienced. “Sure I’ll give myself a shot if I can have this piece of cake…” Sometimes people need to suffer some before they make changes. But these are our dads! We don’t want to see them suffer! So the way I deal with this is I learn as much as I can about the science behind keto. The thing I have to say about my dad is he is very inquisitive. He does want to get off his medications, and he’s full witness to the pain and suffering I have undergone since these additional complications have arose for me (eye shots anyone? They are as horrible as they sound) So he may have some determining factors that your Father may not have. But regardless, your dad is watching you lose weight or heal or just feeling better all around. Be real with him, ask him if he wants to change. Be patient. Tell him that his disease is NOT a progressive disease! There is hope! This is not a nail in the coffin for him. Inspire him to make changes through your own lifestyle. I enjoy cooking, and my husband and I frequently have my parents over for a BBQ/dinner. They know everything I serve is strictly keto, appetizer through dessert. I tell them that I can’t make food that I know will harm them. I give them obvious examples of easy and delicious meals they can make for themselves. And lastly, have a candid conversation with your dad about his why. I did. Mine told me he wants to be useful. But then I asked him how useful he thinks he’d be blind or missing a leg(s) or undergoing dialysis three days a week? That gave him pause. The whys will differ, but your dad will have one! I also concentrate on inspiring my mom. She has a few pounds to lose, but not the medical issues my dad has. I know that neither of them will be successful without one another. So I concentrate on encouraging them individually toward this way of life, but also knowing neither will commit if the other won’t also. That means when mom tries to make a keto dish (which she did the other night), dad needs to be quite encouraging (even though his tastebuds say otherwise). It is with the hope they make these small changes toward this lifestyle and they become hooked. I’m an all or nothing person. I started my keto journey with a three week water fast. My parents are working on removing bread from their diets, lol. We are different in our approaches, but a change is a change. Be steadfast and patient with your dad, but also be real. Back your advice/conversation in science, and incorporate your mother’s support.

(Julie Harrington) #9

Viv,
I’m so sorry about your dad :frowning: One of the greatest things about keto is how empowered you feel being well-informed and knowledgeable about metabolic science. It breaks my heart knowing that your dad suffered and HE DIDN’T HAVE TO! My parents had a neighbor who just died last Friday. He had a heart attack while getting dialysis. He was blind and in a wheelchair. Textbook case of the “progression” of Type 2 Diabetes. It angers me, because it’s needless. He died believing that he didn’t take care of himself the way he should have. Sure there is some measure if truth in that, but it’s not as much his fault as it is the medical community’s fault with their inappropriate treatment of what is actually a carbohydrate intolerance! That’s not going to happen to me, nor to my children or hopefully to any of my loved ones. Keto has given me the tools to fight this!

(Omar) #10

My mom not only she will never listen to my advice about changing her diet, she cries with tears because I refuse to eat bread.

She is has type 2 for 30 years and take insulin. she takes doesn of medicines and diabetes causing her serious nerves issue. next week she is scheduled to take cortisone injection it seems the only thing will relief her nerves pain.

So it just not possible to make others listen to you.

I just provide help as she ask me.

When I see the situation I do feel guilty, but I know I shouldn’t.

(Vivienne Clampitt) #11

Thank you, he is very sorely missed even now. He was my confidante and I still miss all the wonderful chats we had.
I shared his story because I really don’t want anyone to go through this, it was a horrible life to live for several years for him. The system failed him and I really believe the treatment he received made him sicker and sicker. I am diabetic too and have been trying for several years to avoid medication and ending up like him! And I will continue to do so, I dont want to get caught up in a system that fails me , I am taking control !