So last week I got together with my oldest friend after not seeing them for a year. We’ve known each other since we were 4 years old. We were inseparable all throughout our school years and also worked together for almost a decade. I was his best man and he was mine. He has not seen me at my current weight since we were freshman in high school 33 years ago. Needless to say he was surprised. He was always the guy who would eat donuts and Mountain Dew for breakfast, never touch a vegetable unless it was a French fry, and admittedly drinks too much. He has gained weight through the decades and carries all of it in his belly and chest area. 3 hours after our get together, I received a text asking me if I could help him. I have many coworkers and even a few family members, but this feels different and more daunting. I want to help in the worst way but I’ll be honest, I don’t know where to start. He works in an environment with many unhealthy men who also probably drink too much and eat like crap. He will be faced with peer pressure on a daily basis. I’m rambling I know. I guess I’m just looking for a way or ways to ease him into this lifestyle. The one thing that I have going in my direction is that we’ve always had a subtle competitive streak between us. Any pointers would be greatly appreciated.
Helping an old friend
Use that competitive streak and work it to your (and in the long term) his advantage?
I used the anger at the Diabetes Nurse who told me that T2 was chronic and progressive and I’d end up on insulin to go keto in the first place. But a competition driver should be great surely?
Maybe just try a short term say 1 month to start with… where you can lose and he can win to get him into new habits?
I think a one month start is great but there are just so many unhealthy facets to his current lifestyle where do I start? Should I ask him if he can just stop the drinking for a month, or to add vegetables to his diet, or to remove processed food, or to etc, etc etc…
Sounds more like he could go the carnivore route? Eggs and bacon, steaks… might suit his lifestyle more. Does he cook, eat out? Some more info might help and maybe a switch to spirits rather than beer could be a way in? Does he just want to drop some pounds or does he have a metabolism problem? That could be a good starting point?
I wish it was just beer but he drinks quite a bit of whiskey as well. I can only assume that there’s some liver damage already.
Under normal circumstances I would have suggested you both buddy up with MyFitnessPal accounts, and then track each other’s food and exercise, might allow for some of that competitiveness to come out with the carbs, the calories and the exercise.
If he’s a big guy though, he might not be massively into exercise, what about some long walks on the weekend? you could make it a weekly thing? 10k walk or something? try somewhere new every time.
Well he’s asking for help so just ask him what he wants to do? You can only try … maybe get him to join up here? You are the one that knows him? Does he live close to you are a way away maybe weekly meet ups?
I used carb manager when I started and when I would work through stalls. I think he’d be on board with that. He’s definitely not what I would consider morbidly obese. He’s 5’6” or so and around 190. All of his weight is in his midsection. Strong as hell and has an active job. We were both home builders when we worked together. I just don’t want to overwhelm him with too many changes all at once. My gut is telling me to address the alcohol consumption first.
We live within a half hour of each other so a weekly meetup would be pretty easy. I thought about that as well.
He’s also one of these guys who doesn’t go to a doctor for regular checkups. These are the guys who drop dead due to undiagnosed disease. I’m painting quite a picture here aren’t I.
Carnivore would certainly be easier for him to do. I’d say I’m about 90% there myself.
Thats’a great way to sell it then… “hey fancy a diet where you can eat all the eggs and bacon and steak that you want and lose weight!”
Hi Frank, I am staying with a woman friend in Florida for 7 weeks. Leaving Sunday so I have been here most of that time already. She was impressed with my health improvements and weight loss. She’s an RN that I met in dialysis a few years ago. She was an athletic woman but has slacked off and drinking alcohol has gone up.
She wanted to try keto but has not been able to curb the drinking. I have gotten her to drink more spirits but she’s a wine nut. She lost some weight with me cooking keto food for all her meals but I don’t think she’ll be able to keep it up when I leave. The point is that some people want what we have but they’re not always willing to do what it takes. Truthfully if you can’t do without something it’s a problem. This was really brought into focus for me on another thread.
Alcohol + Keto is not a mix that will work. Every time you drink your ketosis is stalled while your liver gets rid of the alcohol it doesn’t process fats into ketones. And while people eat keto fat rich food and the liver isn’t processing the fat it gets stored as fat. So daily drinking and eating ketogenic food is a recipe for disaster health wise IMHO. A drink or two now and then is doable but I would not drink regularly while doing a keto diet. 
If you are as good of friends and you seem to be ask him how you can help and tell him your concerns. He is going to have to own the plan set forth. It is up to him to fight the tide of his environment. You should present the risks and opportunities as you see them.
Good Luck.
I absolutely agree with everything you stated. My drinking has been cut back tremendously and I feel better for it. I enjoy a beer or two every week or 2 but I’m definitely not the 1-2 daily homebrew drinker I once was. It really does come down to choosing what you want out of the life you have.
This.
I see it regularly in some of the newbie posts on this forum even.
He’ll need to have a strong commitment from within himself to change his life for the better, and that will absolutely require breaking old habits, creating new ones, and yes, giving up some things he enjoys that bring immediate gratification with long-term damage.
If he has that commitment, and is just needing some help with where to get started and some places to learn, then great. If, instead, he is externalizing the commitment to you, then the effort and burden will all be on you, as will his ability to blame you for his failure.
The few times I have mentioned my lifestyle changes to others who would benefit from it, I generally get all of the “not enough fiber, too much fat, not healthy, I couldn’t give up X, don’t have time to grocery shop or cook” comments to where I didn’t pursue it. These are people with genuine health (and weight) problems who could really use it.
If I really had someone truly interested, I would point them to web sites and videos and say “this is where I started researching. Read, watch, make your own decision and when you are ready to commit, if you need a few pointers let me know, but I can’t do it for you.”
Friends may come and go but family is forever. Let that be his motivation… to be around to watch his grandkids grow up.
I was planning on making that point. It was a major motivator for me as well. Thanks.