Help me save my daughter


(Dawn) #1

Hi Keto Fam
I need your help desperately. I have the opportunity to greatly improve my teen daughters quality of life and possibly steer her away from a lifetime of disease.

Looking at my daughter, I have noticed that she has dark discolorations on her face and neck. Similar to diabetics. She’s also very heavy chested which is odd for her age. She’s only 13 years old. Her weight has always been in the normal rage and it is still normal but on the very high end. I’m also noticing fat around her waist and a little belly, even though she’s thin. I believe that she may have PCOS aka diabetes jr. I’m also noticing a scary addiction to sugar. As her keto Mom, I’ve had some success pulling back the sugar, carbs and desserts. But it’s not enough. She needs more help and she needs to go keto. Her skin is a disaster, she’s already having pain in her knees and her cycles have become irregular. I feel that if I can pull her into this way of eating at only 13 years old, it could set her up for a very healthy future.

I took her to the Dr as soon as I started noticing these irregularities. Her Dr has referred her to a pediatric endocrinologist to do some testing and check her BG. Her appointment isn’t for another couple of months (heavily booked) but I want to make changes now.

Here’s my first dilemma. Her sugar addiction is real and very powerful. Even though the kid never grew up with juice or soda or cereal or even a lot of processed snacks, she loves pasta, bread, fast food and fancy desserts. (Totally my fault. I failed her there) She’s old enough to get sugar out of the vending machine if she can’t fight her cravings. I can’t fully control her diet 100%. I’m going to let her school lunch account run empty to force her to take her lunch and eat the yummy keto foods that I’ve cooked.
Second dilemma, I don’t know how to do keto for kids. She’s still growing (taller than me already) and she has nutritional needs that are different from mine. Does she need 20grams of carbs or maybe more? Does she need as much fat? Dr Baker advises against putting kids on keto diets. Dr Fung doesn’t want them to fast. But I’ve got to do something to save my baby. I can’t let her wait until age 40 to realize she has to change.

So I need everything you’ve got. Advice, science articles, websites, YouTube videos…everything. I’ve got to figure out how to make this work for her. She’s 90% on board because she’s embarrassed by her skin and wants it to improve but she doesn’t believe me when i tell her sugar addiction can be cured. I’ve forced her to listen to two keto dudes but she doesn’t trust their advice. Which brings me to my third dilemma. Her grandparents, teachers, friends, society even the Dr tell her the exact opposite of the advice that I give her. She’s spouting off SAD babble that will turn her fat and unhealthy. Her grandparents feel that I am obese (even though I’m down 63 pounds) and therefore contradict my advice quite often because they don’t feel that fat people are capable of giving diet advice. I’m literally in a fight for her mind. I have three things going for me: 1) my husband trusts me and reinforces my advice, 2) I’m a living example of how powerful keto can be (she’s watched with amazement as I have lost 60 pounds in five months) 3) my daughter worships me and she really wants to believe this can work for her.

Long post but I really need your expertise keto family. This is not about weight. Her weight is fine and I would never allow a 13 yo to let that be a focus. This is about healing her. Let’s help this kid.


(Retta Stephenson) #2

Hi Dawn. Here is a discussion with parents in your situation:

I have no kids, but grew up a fat baby, fat toddler, fat child, fat teenager and fat adult. I felt normal until dragged to the doctor at age 10 to be put on my first “diet”. Then I got the message: something was wrong with me. So… just my opinion, for whatever it’s worth: be gentle. Back off. Help her, yes. But don’t shove it down her throat. Be supportive of whatever SHE decides. Live it yourself, and let her choose to follow.

Just speaking from personal experience from someone who had loving parents that meant well, but did it all wrong. If what I say doesn’t fit your situation, hit the delete button, ha ha. But either way, I wish the very best for your beautiful daughter. I can tell you love her very much.


(Tammy Bowers Rogers) #3

My 12 year old is doing keto, we don’t “force” the lifestyle upon him, as s family we eat keto, we cook together and discuss ingredients together. My son will find a recipe and we discuss how to make it better.

When he’s at a friends house he will make good choices most of the time, he actually turned down cupcakes last weekend at a birthday party.

My advice, do this as a family. Have iron chef night’s where you take a recipe and make it healthy, make this fun!!!


#4

I wanted to send good wishes and also to say that the three things you have going for you are very strong!
One approach that might help is a low-carb paleo approach (and you don’t even need to call it paleo). If she’s relatively active she’ll probably get a lot of the benefits of keto without something that feels extreme to her.
There’s at least one PCOS thread on here, and I bet there are a lot of PCOS lc/paleo stories out there. Maybe sit down with her and read some of them together?

Good luck!


(Dawn) #5

I love your advice, thank you. I will make sure to be gentle.

I do want to reiterate though that this is not about her weight. Her weight is fine. It’s about her health and trying to help her heal. I believe she already has insulin resistance and PCOS, both can be a problem in her later years if I don’t help her address it. She also has a family history of diabetes. She is very interested in this because she has concerns about her skin. She has asked me for help because she sees the symptoms as well. I have explained the commitment required. I won’t force her to do anything, but I do want to make this so easy and fulfilling that she willingly wants to maintain this way of life. She has been told by her derm that she needs to clean up her diet. I need help figuring out how to do this successfully and make it work


(Dawn) #6

One more questions guys. I am purposely steering her away from any calorie counting or weight tracking. Success is going to be measured by how she feels, her blood work and her satisfaction. BUT…do I need to count macros to make sure this works for her? What are the magical macro numbers for a teen?


(Dawn) #7

Paleo is an excellent idea. What if I make a list of a bunch of healthful foods and allow her to pick? Based on what she picks, that can help guide me towards either paleo or keto.


(Raj Seth) #8

I don’t think anyone “needs” any amount of carbs. I would appreciate it if someone would point me to some science if I am wrong about that.


(Dawn) #9

@carl @richard Is the keto family podcast still around? Can someone provide a link where to find it?


(Jo) #10

I have no kids either, but the draw for me to Keto WOE is the wonderful choices you have in cooking recipes that all taste good.

Is she interested in learning how to cook? This would set her up for a lifetime of healthy eating, she knows which ingredients are good for her, and she will acquire good habits. Would she be interested in learning to cook one lunch a week (on a Sunday to take to school on Monday?)

Maybe if she sees how much fun that is, and how good it tastes, she’ll be proud of what she did and she will leave the vending machines be.

I credit my mother to instill a love for cooking in me (in the 60s obviously all the wrong food choices,:smirk: lol, but she didn’t know any better). Still she gave me to tools to take care of myself and not to depend on others to make my food choices for me.


(Sierra) #11

Dawn,
I was a sugar addict for years. I still crave it under stress.
The only thing that helps me is to cut it out 100%. No sugar, ever. I use monk fruit sweetener instead.
It’s weird because if I’m eating sugar it always triggers cravings for more. If I cut it out, the cravings go away almost completely.
The fear of quitting is far worse than actually quitting.
-SIerra


(Doug) #12

Oh Dawn, what a great post! Really good advice from people, above. :slightly_smiling_face: I think you’re right to be addressing your concerns. Some such skin conditions are an indicator or pre-diabetes. If present trends continue, 1 in 3 Americans will have Type 2 Diabetes by the year 2050.

I think really cutting down the carbohydrates is the big thing. After that, the exact fat/protein ratio is of lesser importance; my opinion (although she needs a sufficient amount of protein, of course). Being gentle with your daughter is a good thing - it’s hard to be a teenager these days, they are constantly bombarded by so many commercial messages and images. Showing her that low-carb food can be good and satisfying is a good start.


(Dawn) #13

I almost threw keto in the trash when I started to realize I could never have sugar again. I went through morning and the psychological fear was overwhelming. BUt then some very smart and loving ketogenic forum members talked me off the ledge and made me focus on a one day at a time approach.


(Dawn) #14

My daughter has never had to lift a finger in her life when it came to cooking. I think it’s time she learn to cook. What a brilliant idea!!! I will make her responsible for finding some recipes too as another poster suggested. I guess we should first start with teaching her how to turn on the oven. LOL.


(Jo) #15

Lol, that sounds like a good start! Start simple, and let her experiment and make recipes her own. That way she’ll “own” this way of cooking more. Start with making KETO coleslaw with home made mayo. The stick blender method is really easy, just don’t use olive oil but avocado oil. Doesn’t require actual cooking, and is easy to carry to school with a pickle and some deli meat. But you’ve been KETO far longer than I so you know all the easy recipes I’m sure!


(Dawn) #16

Before keto, I would get both her and her little brother a donut for snack after school (bad mom, I know). But I made the switch to dry salami and cheese cubes (I experiment with different cheeses) and they LOVE it. I started keeping little baggies of it in the refrigerator so they have a quick and easy snack. It’s been a long time since this household has seen donuts. baby steps I guess.


(Richard Morris) #17

It’s coming. Just need to finish editing and polishing.


(Edith) #18

Hi Dawn,

I have two daughters living at home ages 14 and 17. What has been working for us is that they eat the meals we provide. Breakfasts and dinners are keto, but for them I will add some potato or rice at dinner time if the meal calls for it. They do like cauliflower rice. I do buy snack type nutrition bars for them but they all have 12g of carbs or less per bar; for example Nature Valley Protein bars have 10g of carbs if I am remembering correctly. I pack lunches for school. They are not keto but usually on the low carb side. I also stopped making and buying sweets. If they go out with friends I don’t worry about it.

This change in our diet and how we eat has been almost a year for me and about 8 or 9 months for them. What has changed?

Well, keto meals hang in much longer for them, so their snacking has gone way down. They are naturally eating less just because of the satiety of the meals. Also, because sweets are now almost nonexistent in our house, they don’t eat sweets nearly as much as when they were available. My youngest wanted to make brownies a few weeks back. I said she could. Before keto, the batch would have been gone in a day or two. We ended up throwing some away because they had gotten stale.

Also, it is shocking how many foods, even non-dessert foods, have sugar in them. As ketonians, we not longer eat foods with added sugar. I think that has also modified their taste buds.

Finally, if they have a meal request from before keto, I don’t deny them. I don’t want them to feel totally deprived and rebel. These requests have been few and far between.

Their changes have been gradual and I’m not sure if they even realize how much their tastes and habits have changed. Another example: they are now more likely to choose string cheese, nuts, or cold cuts instead of something carby. Oh, and I don’t worry about fruit. If they want fruit they can have it. The interesting thing is they do eat less fruit than they used to.

I realized about a month ago, that I actually find keto challenging for me. (Being perimenosausal does not help.) I have to make sure I get enough fats and I’m always tweaking my electrolytes. I don’t want them to have to deal with that. Feeding them keto meals as much as possible has naturally caused them to eat less carbs and snack way less. I feel at their ages, that is good enough.

I know this is long and rambling but I hope some of the ideas help you out.

Edith


(Bunny) #19

I think the real-life application and answer to this vacillating question and issue may not be a ketogenic diet for her but to gradually cut back on refined sugars and processed carbs.

I would not want or suggest anyone do a hardcore nose dive into ketosis without first preparing the body to gradually and properly process ketones long-term without messing up the body further with pre-existing conditions (contradictive medical conditions effected by ketones or high fat e.g. pancreatitis etc.) because of the vast anomalous complexities.

Having a little education about physiochemistry helps too!

It is not the best thing but maybe more sugar free products like cookies (or mom made stuff?), soda or whatever she likes to eat etc.

If she could be convinced to do this in simple terms, her health including skin issues would probably improve? THE point being, making it as simple as possible!

You could cycle this also down to frequency of eating (how many times a day food is eaten and when) and maybe a junk food time because the metabolism can survive it and still remain in good health etc.

Some Interesting Reads:

  1. Ketosis – advantaged or misunderstood state? (Part I - Dr. Peter Attia)
  1. New link between gut bacteria and obesity NEW February 23, 2018
  1. Can Apple Cider Vinegar in Your Diet Help You Lose Weight?

Lowers blood sugar levels: In one rat study, acetic acid improved the ability of the liver and muscles to take up sugar from the blood (3).
Decreases insulin levels: In the same rat study, acetic acid also reduced the ratio of insulin to glucagon, which might favor fat burning (3).
Improves metabolism: Another study in rats exposed to acetic acid showed an increase in the enzyme AMPK, which increases fat burning and decreases fat and sugar production in the liver (4).

Reduces fat storage: Treating obese diabetic rats with acetic acid or acetate protected them from obesity and increased the expression of genes that reduced belly fat storage and liver fat (5, 6).

Burns fat: A study in mice fed a high-fat diet found a significant increase in the genes responsible for fat burning, which led to less body fat buildup (7).

Suppresses appetite: Another study suggests acetate may suppress centers in the brain that control appetite, which can lead to reduced food intake (8).

  1. Apple Cider Vinegar Weight Loss Works: Why It Works | Reader’s Digest

Note: Organic Unfiltered ACV


(Retta Stephenson) #20

Lots of ideas out there to help with meal planning. Some are geared towards the younger kids, but the principles apply to teens, also. Some look fairly easy, so maybe she would enjoy picking them out herself and learning to prepare them:

https://alldayidreamaboutfood.com/family-friendly-keto-meals/

Don’t know if you are familiar with the Diet Doctor site, but it has credible info. Here is one article about reversing PCOS with low carb: