Sorry you have to deal with this. My .02 is that your husband should be the first one to intercede. It is his mother and he should politely but firmly stop any negative comments. You can buy her bread and sugar and not comment on her way of eating. Do not tolerate comments that are rude or demeaning. You and hubby can say you are teaching your children manners and it is not polite to comment on what other people are eating. Above all, keep calm and keto on - and, yes, plan some excursions out or send your husband with her to take in a movie or visit some other attraction so you can stay home.
Help! Anti Keto guest coming to stay!
I deal with this type of problem regularly. What works best for me is focus on your successes, not my woe.
I try things like “okay I was able to stop all prescription medications, my A1C went from 12.1% to 4.8% my BP from 185/135 to normal and my triglycerides from 202 down to 70 in 3 1/2 months, you tell me another way of doing all that and I’ll try it! I did the ADA and dietitian recommendations for years and that’s how I ended up with a morning fasting glucose of 315.”
Don’t stress about it. She will do what she will do. She will say what she wants to say. Don’t antagonize her back. Don’t preach to her. Answer her questions, don’t blow her off. If she goes down the unhealthy eating road, go right down it with her in a friendly manner. Sure, she might be old school science/medicine, but all this processed carbohydrates food started in the early 20th century, and the increase in diabetes and obesity parallel the increase in carbs.
Be prepared to answer questions. But don’t treat any of them silly or stupid. She might believe something is true, making her question valid. Be careful not to disrespect her. Yep, it’s gonna be tough. But don’t let it stress you. Stressing out about it won’t help it in any way, so just don’t worry. It will end up the way it ends up. Just be polite.
What a helpful and lovely post. I am in a place now where the family is very small so I no longer deal with these issues. I did some of the things suggested in your post when I had to with my in laws, but I did like them and they showed me much love because I had done some of the things you suggested in your post. I hope it works out well for the original poster.
I personally had more conflicts with my own mother who pasted away in Oct. My holidays will be much less stressful now that she is gone.
I hope all the forum members have a great holiday season and KCKO.
There is a prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr that is used a lot by members of the various 12-Step fellowships. The 12-Step version is “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I would repeat it like a mantra a lot of the time in early sobriety, and it worked—I never killed anyone, and didn’t irrevocably damage any relationships.
When things get really tight, and you don’t have time to say the full prayer, try the short version: “Fuck it!”
What a great response, Beth. Of course there are things we will do, I have puzzles, etc. It’s just that she is generally stressful and negative about everything so I pre-stress before she gets here. It would be better if my husband was actually taking the time off to be around, but he has to work, so I get the brunt. I know it will be ok, it’s just that she won’t stop talking about the way we eat when she talks to her son. She dotes on him like mad, so she gets things in her head like I make him do things. He just liked what he was seeing in me so wanted to follow suit, then my kids did the same. I just have this feeling she’s going to come here guns raised, when any of us are sick she knows it all, when any of us need a procedure she knows it all, etc. My son scratched his toe last year when she was out and she told me I had no clue what I was doing when cleaning it out. I washed it, put neosporin on it, and bandaged it, WTF? He still has his toe. I’m feeling overly protective of keto, this woe, I think because we all feel so good I don’t want her shitting on our parade…idk. I do know your words helped, thank you!
Your hubby should respectfully remind her that you are grown-ups & make your own choices, and ask her to refrain from commenting on food choices during her visit. He’s the one who needs to deal with her; take it from one who knows about outspoken in-laws.
Then - make all your tastiest and best dishes! Wow her with skads of amazing veggies laced with fatty goodness!
Oh girl, I understand. My mom and MIL are both that way, lol. I just got back from two weeks of helping my mom get to chemo & radiation every day. I’m 48 with a successful career but she still corrects me on everything, including how to open the car door and make her meals. It’s enough to drive you to drink, isn’t it? And when I try to address it, she’s “only trying to help.”
I did do what someone else suggested and made my best recipes. She did shut up long enough to eat the sugar free treats.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with such a miserable person. Just KCKO. We’re here for you.
I feel your pain. My mil, may she rest in peace, used to stay with us for 2 weeks every Christmas! This was long before keto but believe me it didn’t matter what you did, what you cooked or how you cooked it she was always sure to tell you how SHE did it! One year I made lasagna for Christmas dinner and she had an absolute fit, “who eats lasagna for Christmas?!” I told her that busy mothers who work full-time and take care of two sons and a husband and don’t have time to entertain for 2 weeks prepare lasagna ahead of time freeze it and have it for Christmas dinner and that surely she could remember what those days for her were like! The following Christmas SHE brought lasagna so who knows maybe by the end of the week you will have a convert to KETO! Get out your best keto recipes girl and throw in some carbs on the side for her… baked potato,sweet potato, toast and the like. Break out the bourbon and just breathe. It’ll be over before you know it. KCKO
Oh @Darlene_Horsley … I sense a little passive-aggressiveness coming through there serving up lasagna for Xmas … hahaha.
Thank you! Yes! I am going to make cauliflower Mac and cheese to start!
They could be cut from the same cloth! Last year she left early when I went ballistic on her for criticizing us on how we are raising our kids! Nothing I do is good enough for her son, ugh!