Have you ever hid from someone because of your size?

(Heather Meyer) #1

Back story:

I used to be 186 lbs at 5"11. I was a size 10 and athletic and in shape. I worked with someone i looked up to, who i know was “sizest”. They talked very negatively about obese people.
Long story short… I stopped working with this person(who WAS) my friend and mentor and i havent seen him for a year. Well…i am now 270lbs and they came over to visit a mutual friends house i happend to be at-unexpectedly.
I was a coward and I ran into the other bedroom and hid the whole time. I had a quasi panic attack the whole time they were over. I couldnt bare to face them because i didnt want them to see me bigger.

(Susan) #2

I am sorry that that happened to you, Heather, but no, I have never hid from anyone because of me being overweight. I have been out shopping and seen people in a store and veered off in a different direction to avoid contact with them; on more then one occasion, but it was never because of my size. It was always because I didn’t want to talk to them! Sometimes I have done it because I knew that I would end up chatting to them for too long, and I try to shop as quickly as I can, as my hubby is always waiting in the van while I am in the stores shopping.

I think that if a person cannot accept you for you; whether you are skinny or overweight, then they are not really your friend. I am always happy for my friends when they were trying to lose weight and succeeded, etc. but if they gain a bunch of weight (for whatever reason), it has never affected how I think about them as a person or how much I like them. They are still the same person, we should like a person for who they are, not for what they look like, or how much they weigh. If this man would not be kind and nice to you just because you are larger then you were before, then he is not a real friend at all. The old saying “with friends like that, who needs enemies” comes to mind.

It is great that you are on Keto and are working on being healthier and happier; and, along with that, skinnier. However, your weight should have no bearing on whether or not a person is your friend. Take care, and Keto on =).

#3

No. But I can understand this post. There is probably a phobia term for fear of reunions, e.g. class reunions.

That being said, in another post on these forums I stand by the observation of speaking with people socially face-to-face and not noticing their physical presence as much as their personality.

We had a 30 year reunion in the other week and nobody seem to have changed. Of course we had all changed. But there was such a familiarity of knowing a person from the past, and the joy in seeing them again that overrode any superficial topographical lingering.

#4

HUGS!!!

That sounded like it was so traumatic for you. I know that feeling of wanting to hide on a few occasions in life.

I never hid cause of my weight but I sure made a lot of deviances in my life to skirt away from my weight and how it effected me in situations. Like family went zip lining and I wouldn’t do. OH yea I wanted to but my mind stopped me cause I felt too big to do it in front of others and I knew I could make the weight limit on that zip line, but I didn’t want to tell the guy how much I weighed before I got on it…UGH. So I did things like that all thru life til I finally got the lbs. off and gained confidence in me. Yea, I zip lined a few times now :slight_smile: and found I didn’t care for it all that much anyway HA

But with you saying he is a fat shamer type and a loud mouth about it, I certainly would see why you reacted the way you did.

A sizest…never heard of it in those terms. But I wish someone would bend his ear how wrong that thinking is tho.

(Rebecca ) #5

Sadly, yes…when I was my largest, I felt terrible about myself. I can still remember when my children were very young, I was returning a shopping cart at the grocery store and 2 men were sitting on a bench outside, one actually said to me, “You’d be good looking if you weren’t so fat.” He may as well have slapped me in the face.

(Heather Meyer) #6

This is me. I have anxiety about being in public on social outtings with friends and family because im afraid im going to be stared at or judged for my size. I know the sum total of who i am, is not my weight but it does affect my confidence and esteem to the point where i dont want to go to places where i could potentially run into someone i knew.

When im at the gym or pool, i wear headphones and somehow feel invisible because of them. Im in my own little non-social world and in okay with that.

(Heather Meyer) #7

i can relate. Even my own Father said “boys might actually date you if you lose 50lbs”. I was crushed. My parents are actually the biggest critic of my weight.

#8

Yup. I so get this cause I am one of them. I am way more introvert than extrovert and I am very private in that I keep to myself out in the big bad world. I just understand where you are coming from on that one.

Worst is while we have more introverted ways about us…that easily flips right over into the world and how we walk thru out lives. Again, I sure understand that.

But as I get older and grow I am dropping more of it by the wayside…my ‘who cares what other’s think’ vs. my inborn introvert ways LOL

I still have those cause that is me…but I am trying to find how I react to being social has to change a bit in my mind or it will stop me literally from doing a ton of things.

So I kinda weigh that on a scale…that back and forth. Nothing to do with a real scale in weight :slight_smile: to do that I have to do to change my thinking and be positive, let loose of what others ‘might think or not think’ and just live a more active life as I want and need to suit me. I need to change my outlook and I think those changes can only happen with me and how I navigate the world on my terms.

Hey we are all such a darn work in progress LOL
I know I am :slight_smile:

So I have to put the ‘what will they think’, the ‘unknowns of what I think might happen’, those ‘unrealistic thoughts of me projecting negatives’ and more away. I must bury those cause they stop me, limit me, change me from what I want.

again, I am working on just that HAHA

I realized the social world as I see it might not be real ya know. My projections of what might happen or etc. is just a fantasy scenario ya know…like what if I just let loose and do for me. How bad can it be? What will happen if I do? Only way to find out is if I walk that path I guess.

I know…I feel it also. The best part tho is you see it. You kinda know what is off on your grounded mind and you chat it out and just seek some advice and thoughts on how other’s handle the weirdness of us all and some advice might click with ya. You never know what might spur one into other actions so it is great you are chatting this out. Getting alot of insights from others. Feelings that are bottled up are never good, it continues negative, feelings let loose and talked about can bring about change so I applaud you on that!! You seek to grow and you are checking out ways to do just that. I love it!

(Ellen ) #9

Oh wow I have. I live 2 blocks from the beach. Not once did I go to the beach last summer. I didn’t even walk on the boardwalk because I didn’t want people in town to see how much weight I’ve gained. I really understand Heather. Let’s refuse to do this again. Even if we don’t lose 1 pound, the hate is on them not us! Be strong and mighty forces will come to your aid…a mantra I use. Hugs to you too!!!

#10

Ely I could only give ya one heart on that post. I wanted to give you fifty million hearts on that post :slight_smile:

#11

I completely understand how you feel. I never really hid, but I avoided many gatherings, coffees, meetings due to my weight gain a few years ago. I still avoid some gatherings and some people, as I am really unhappy/ashamed with the different path my life is on, I am still very disappointed in the choices I made and how I let things slip from my fingers. Then agan, those are our problems, the lack of confidence in ourselves…

(Jennibc) #12

I never ‘hid’ per se, but I definitely avoided cameras. I always seemed bigger in photos than I did when looking in the mirror. I don’t know if it was a kind of body dysmorphia that I just could not see how big I’d gotten and the photos were the reality.

What I will say is that to be successful to drop the weight, it’s critical that you let go of the shame. When we criticize ourselves it’s harder to make the changes necessary. I am down over 120 pounds and finally at goal weight and goal size because I decided that the number on a scale was just information and not an indictment of my character. I decided a few years ago that I wasn’t going to stop living because I’d gained so much weight 20 years ago. Remember we gained that weight because of poor dietary directives from the government! It wasn’t lack of will power, or lack of control or anything like that. Stand up tall, remember that this is only temporary, and you will get your body back. I hit a high of 270 with a 5’8 frame so was even heavier inch for inch than you. If I could get back into my 140s and normal BMI at my age, you can too! Just keep the faith, undertand it’s going to take a while and don’t give up on yourself. Let go of the shame! You have nothing to feel shame for.

(Jennibc) #13

P.S.- someone who is a ‘sizest’ does not deserve to be looked up to. Find some new heroes!

(Marianne) #14

I totally get it.

When I was heavy, I lived in terror that I would run into one of my former boyfriends (not that I had a ton of them), because I knew they would judge me. One time, I talked to a former supervisor after many years (20?). He insisted we get together for lunch. I was sick over it. We met out and I knew he was shocked. It was the most depressing experience. Don’t remember, but I probably went home and binged, no lie.

(Marianne) #15

That’s horrible and just plain cruel.

God bless.

(Susan) #16

What a horrible thing for a father to say, he is an absolute asshole.

(Marianne) #17

Hugs.

One time when my girlfriend and I went to the state fair when I was in my 20s, I heard a teenage boy say to his friend, “Climate and anti-climate,” meaning my girlfriend and me - in that order. My girlfriend was a striking beauty. Back then, I always wanted to be her.

#18

I never hid, but I absolutely avoided see people that hadn’t seen me in years when I was floating in the near 300 range.

#19

The cameras on phones are distorting. The short focal length and wide angle of view creates a bulging fish eye effect. So in a full length photo people look heavier. Or in a close up selfie, noses look more prominent and faces rounder.

This is why when sculpting it is best to work from a life model rather than photos from a phone camera.

Photos from cameras with a 50mm lens are more true to what the human eye sees. I daren’t use the word reality.

(Heather Meyer) #20

interesting…that explains the size of my nose!