On the surface, that sort of reaction seems perplexing. I eventually came to the conclusion, however, that a family system is a dynamic equilibrium that resists change, so the person making a change needs to be prepared for that resistance. It is possible to find a new equilibrium, but we often need a lot of support to stand up to others’ resistance without caving in. It took me quite a while to become comfortable that I was entitled to do what I needed to do for my own health and recovery, no matter the effect on other people. This is where a community of support and fellowship comes in very handy.
Family sabotage
xavier352
#42
it’s sad to see how often people’s control issues or their often imaginary fears of being judged create very bad behavior. having been a vegetarian and an admittedly overzealous vegan, i have seen this from multiple sides along with lots of poor treatment of religious or ill friends with diet restrictions. i learned to give fake answers at the dinner table to the people who JUST HAD to have details of what symptoms were provoked by my eating X. mostly i feel like it’s best to ignore & politely deflect people and hang with the weird cousin who supports you. i have also used mostly polite but very firm verbal judo on the obnoxious types who hounded me at a party (“i’m guessing talking about my bowel movements would be unwelcome at the dinner talbe, don’t you agree?”)
food is a very intimate topic and more people have more feelings & judgments about it than politics and religion (since you can at least pretend not to participate in those, but food is a necessary daily activity for us all). i was always amazed at the people who would rationalize their meat eating to me at great length near a cocktail party buffet who were strangers and didn’t know i used to be a vegetarian who had gone paleo. i think a lot of the tools of the recovery movement help in terms of letting go of our own & others’ expectations and the zen of moving past people who chase you into the next room shouting and making a scene because you deflected their question. it is fascinating how crazy people can behave over things that don’t affect them/aren’t their business etc.
i think the biggest aspect that invokes crazy responses is I am reaching for health & recovery and even when i am not judging in the slightest and haven’t said or thought anything about them, people get triggered by their own judgements and feel guilty since they know they shouldn’t be having, for example, ice cream & vodka for breakfast. i do my best to use neutral language and not preach my philosophy but sometimes sanity requires walking down another street https://www.goodreads.com/book/photo/23621941-autobiography-in-five-short-chapters
that is, skipping the family party or hanging out with other people who are also choosing life & health.
good luck on your journey.
Karla_Sykes
(Karla Sykes)
#43
I even have family members who are diabetic and will eat pie and I am literally looking at them as they chastise me about my latest fad diet.