Family sabotage

('Jackie P') #21

I’m pretty much the same when I eat out, I find restaurants, even chains, to be most obliging!:blush:
If I have cheese for dessert, I ask for celery sticks instead of crackers!

(Rebecca 🌸 Frankenfluffy) #22

Same here! Often I end up with loads more cheese than I would otherwise (shhhhhh!). I always request butter, and a knife AND fork. It’s very difficult to eat very crumbly Stilton or very oozy Brie with just the knife that’s usually provided! :rofl:

(Marianne) #23

You may have more to lose (me, too), but I get you feel and look so much better than you did! I’m thinking you recently had your six-month ketoversary?

(Susan) #24

I don’t look much different, it is 45 pounds lost now (down to 248 this morning!) but I am still wearing the same clothes and I am still looking very fat. So they tell me you are fat and this Keto isn’t working. So it is frustrating but when I lose the other 130 then they will see =). I started Keto in February but I don’t remember the exact date unfortunately, I didn’t write it down.

(Marianne) #25

You are still doing great. Even though you are wearing the same clothes, I think you wouldn’t feel as good or as light it you had that 45 lbs. back. You really are doing great.

(Susan) #26

Thanks =), I was thrilled this morning that the scale is moving again, I have been 250 for over 2 months, so nice I am 248 now and hopefully the stall has broken =).

(Jane- Old Inky Crone) #27

Maybe you don’t think you look much different, but isn’t it great to be able to be comfortable in your clothes again? I personally hate it when my clothes are too tight, bind, or chafe. That doesn’t happen when I am a bit lighter. Congratulations on breaking the stall!

(Susan) #28

Thanks JaneyMae =). I have clothes that will fit me at 100 pounds from now and at goal weight too, so I will look forward to getting into them.

#29

Family sabotage is very real, and can be terrible to deal with. I thought I had it bad, but… I have a friend who eats Kosher. Everyone knows she eats Kosher. All we can wonder if ithis was a “test” of some sort - but her close in-law relative invited her for dinner, and specifically served pork roast for the meal. No other options…but intentionally served pork. I know all the parties involved here, and I can totally see the relative doing this - as a “let’s see what will happen if…” sort of thing. I completely lost all respect for her after that. My friend just ate the accompanying vegetables and some bread, and dessert. Never said a word- just smiled, and acted like no-big deal. She’s very graceful and gracious - no matter the situation. But, what that relative did just makes a person scratch their head, and wonder what the H@!! is wrong with people.

As for my own experiences on Atkins and now Keto, the sabotage was almost constant. Sometimes, intentional. Sometimes, not. I just came to realize that misery loves company, and when people close to you are miserable- and they see that you are no longer miserable - they want to pull you back into their world of misery - maybe as way to help bring comfort to their own miserable world of unfitness.
At those times, I just think back to watching Madagascar with my kids. Remember the penguins? “Just smile and wave, boys…just smile and wave.”

You know the folks who are honest in their inquiries about what you’re doing to become healthy again. And, those folks - engage them. I do, and I’m honest about it. If they become hostile - then I just tell them, “You do you, and I’ll do me.” End of conversation. If they are open and honestly want more info - I direct them to YouTube, and Dr. Fung, Dr. Berry, et al.

While honesty and the truth are always best, there are some people you encounter that just don’t want to hear it, and others who don’t care to listen- yet feel free to criticize and destroy your newfound happiness. If I anticipate that’s the situation I’m going into, and bad foods are being peddled like meth in a dark alley - I just prepare myself to tell them that I’m fasting. If they ask why - and I know that its best to end the discussion quickly - I just say, “The doctor said to.” (Which, is an honest statement. 'Cause Dr. Fung, Dr. Berry, Dr. Boz…they all recommend fasting.) Boom. Done. No further discussion.

What is so disheartening, and difficult to wrap one’s mind around, is when loved ones do this to you. It gets really tiresome, especially if its the same person(s) over and over. For those special moments, in a rare departure from my normal demeanor, I do cop an attitude. I know they are just repeatedly trying to egg me on. So, if they throw the gauntlet down, I look them square in the eyes, as asked " Do you REALLY want to go there… with me…? Most times, the topic will change immediately. But, in those rare moments that someone dares to go “there” again, my latest (and probably greatest retort)… I’ll offer them all my plus-sized clothes since I no longer need them. Boom.

Whatever you do, never let them get to you. You’re doing great, and are fully in control to stay the course! KCKO, my friend.

(Karla Sykes) #30

You are so right and I’ve been doing that lately

(PSackmann) #31

I’m lucky, my husband and younger sons are very supportive, or at the least not actively sabotaging. They eat what they want, I eat what I want. My husband and I have started talking about how he can transition, as he’s showing some signs of mental aging and it’s scaring him.
My oldest son, on the other hand, not so subtly is trying to keep me heavy, unhealthy, and weak. I think he prefers the mental picture of a matronly mother, and doesn’t want to have an active and strong woman as his mother. That’s his problem though, not mine, and I don’t let him get in my way.

(Karla Sykes) #32

:heart:

(Diane) #33

Well done! :+1:t2::+1:t2::+1:t2:

I find I’m not bothered by making special requests like yours these days. I also just eat out so much less often.

#34

While there are definitely people out there who will try to sabotage your diet, I think mostly our family just wants us to be happy. What might seem to us like them pushing unhealthy food is really just them not wanting us to be deprived.

I was out to dinner at a birthday party recently. My Mom brought a chocolate cake since the restaurant didn’t have them. As the plates were getting passed around I just kept passing them. When my Mom noticed I didn’t have a plate, I just said “No, thank you. I don’t want any,” with a smile. Then she said “It’s chocolate cheesecake! Does that change your mind?” I said, “No, thank you. I actually don’t like cheesecake.” Then she said “Do you want to order something else?” I just said “No, thank you. I’m happy with my decision.” And that ended it.

She wasn’t trying to sabotage anything. She’s seen me turn down dessert recent on other occasions and not mentioned it. But she was hostess for this party and was just wanting to make sure that all the guests were happy. That’s it.

I really think that a simple “No, thank you. I’m happy with my decision,” is often all that’s needed in these situations.

(Karla Sykes) #35

I think you have a great family and it’s nice that you see the glass half-full. But I am literally said that and got an opposite reaction like literally but it’s nice to have a different perspective.

#36

I recently experimented with something similar and it made a profound difference (mostly to me, because generally the folks around me don’t really care what I eat - or they’re so used to me experimenting that they don’t really notice!). In any case, re-framing my stance as “I don’t really like sweets anymore” or even (with a slight grimace) “nah, I just don’t feel like it” helped me enormously. I have a huge sweet tooth, but when I take into account the short- and long-term effects of eating something sweet, it all adds up to something that in fact I don’t like.

@Karla_Sykes, if you can use Zuleika’s strategy, even if it’s not literally true in every moment, it will save you a lot of grief. No one can really argue with you not liking something! Also it deflects nicely, so that you don’t get pulled into a long discussion about health/ways of eating.
(“Thanks so much but I don’t really feel like it. Can you believe the weather/president/Senate…";
“I’m not really into bread these days - but the ham is delicious! Could I have some more?”
"Cake’s just not my thing. I know, it’s weird but my tastes have shifted recently… hey, so how’s your nephew doing?”)

(Karla Sykes) #37

For my family members who get easily offended I’m going to go with her strategy

(BuckRimfire) #38

Wow. I am not a fan of religious dietary restrictions, but I can’t imagine being such an asshole as to serve only pork and one side dish when I knew a kosher or hallal guest was coming! If I’m going to a potluck and a vegan friend is coming and I doubt many other vegans are attending, I’ll make a vegan main dish or both vegan and omnivorous dishes to support them. (I consider vegan to be another form of religious dietary restriction.)

#39

If I’m having people for dinner, I try to make something they can eat! If vegetarians are coming, that means there’s at least one substantial veggie dish–even if it’s something that others might eat as a side dish. Which is more than most vegetarians would do–if one of us goes to a vegetarian’s house for dinner, we aren’t likely to find much you can eat.

(jill hampson) #40

hi
I stopped drinking alcohol 21 years ago when I could see that I was drinking too much, and was faced with similar comments/reactions from friends,family and colleagues. I came to understand that I needed to look after me and distance my self, if not physically but emotionally from those who were intent on sabotage. ‘detach with love’ and try to understand that those close to us that cannot understand/accept our choice of lifestyle, feel threatened and perhaps somewhat envious or insecure. My husband at the time, felt almost bereaved as he had lost his drinking partner. I was used to pleasing others and conforming and found it difficult not to react and get upset. Its uncanny how many similarities in others reactions here are with my recent choice to abstain from sugar/carbs/processed foods. some family members think I am a little nutty i think and this may be because I can be so enthusiastic and even zealous when discovering solutions to my problems. my partner today, is supportive and also now eating on these lines, although my ex husband and son think this is just another fad/tangent that i have gone on. Yes, it is a new direction, and one that i hope and plan to stay with, not only losing much of the weight i had put on over the past year, but feeling so healthy and undenied as well. Support from others on keto is so helpful though, and I think this forum is great place to let off steam and share frustrations and find identification with others going through similar. Its hard, but I guess we need to try and be patient and tolerant with them loved ones who want to control us and apparently undermine our positive experience. what was it Ghandi said? ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ hmmm difficult not to want to sell Keto to everyone, but as with the alcohol issue, its best to wait and those that want to find the solution will ask for help.