Had an odd experience at Target the other day. My old jeans were hanging on me, so I went to buy a couple of inexpensive pairs to wear while I’m still losing weight. The section was so badly organized, I nearly gave up trying to find what I was looking for; I thought I was probably in the 14 range and could only find skinny jeans in that size. (Yeah, skinny jeans are an invention of the devil.) In desperation, I picked up a pair of 12 straight legs and checked the waistband around my neck. There was room to spare, so I picked out a couple and went to the dressing room. The silly thing is, I felt ridiculous doing so. Like it was absurd that I was even taking a size 12 to try. I thought I should have gone to the curvy fit, rather than even trying the regular fit jeans. They fit perfectly fine, which is a small miracle all in itself, but it definitely shone some light on some of the body image issues I still have despite having lost all this weight. I was prepared to feel like a stuffed sausage, trying to get the size 12s on, but they just went on. Mid-rise, too. After years of squeezing into 18w (denying the need to go up to 20s for as long as possible), I still have difficulty wrapping my head around how much my body has changed. I’ve obviously still got some work to do mentally, as well as what has changed physically. It’s all one step at a time, but I’m becoming more aware, as well, of how I used my weight as a kind of shield or armor. I feel a bit like a sea creature that’s pried itself out of its shell and it’s rather a vulnerable feeling, but I’m getting used to it. No longer self-medicating with over-eating to numb myself and am now simply enjoying life. (It helps that the stress levels in my life have lowered exponentially in the past few years; long, long story involving Supreme Courts in two different countries and being the surviving winner of the crazy-ex awards.) Life is so much better now that I’m eating Keto. I love cooking again, I love the food I’m eating because it tastes good again, and I’m learning to love this new/old me that is slowly coming out of the cocoon I built for myself. Now, I just have to get accustomed to these darn wings. 
Body Image Stuff - Where's my darn cocoon?!
The struggle for perfect-fitting jeans is such a common thing amongst women, no matter what size, I think. The struggle gets worse when the body changes during weight loss. You are not alone sista!
Sorry to learn of your past challenges, but sounds like you are a survivor and can overcome just about anything.
Well, I’ve certainly learned that getting through anything is simply a matter of one step at a time. It is interesting finding out all the mental and emotional connections I had to food and over-eating. A part of me knew it, but simply did not believe there was any real alternative. I’d found something that worked for me and helped me get through, but using food as a drug is honestly as bad as using any drug or alcohol, it will just make you ill more slowly (just as effectively, though.) I’m getting to know me better all the time and it’s a continuing evolving journey, but worth the effort. It helps loads that I get to eat bacon along the way. 
Yes, adding stress and challenges certainly complicates things. However, I also believe in the absence of stressful issues, the SAD diet (high carb, low fat) can still bring a person down a similar path. It looks like you were able to survive both issues at the same time: metabolic derangement and very stressful events. That’s remarkable.
I would say that food drugs are worse than the usual drugs and alcohol because food is accepted, even encouraged in every setting. Junk foods are offered, pushed on us around every turn. At least an alcoholic can choose to stay out of bars. Food addicts, specifically junk food addicts just have to learn to look the other way.
I agree that it can be worse in that there is more of an acceptance of food in general and that can help to mask food issues for a very long time. Also, the effects, such as weight gains or losses, tend to come on more gradually so it’s easier to hide for a longer period of time. Especially if you include the time spent explaining it away with hormone, big bone, possible thyroid issue theories. Just getting rid of the cravings and not feeling hungry and deprived all the time alone would be worth taking up this WOE. It’s a great bonus to see me coming back again from where I had been hiding and even when I’m offered carbage now it, it simply doesn’t appeal. So, no feeling deprived, which is lovely.
I love the lack of cravings too. I thought I was the only one that used the hormone, big bone, possible thyroid issues excuses you mentioned Then there are all the loving and helpful enablers who mention the same excuses for you, just for confirmation. Maybe we all assumed our junk eating guilt would lessen if we added in these credible-sounding excuses. Whatever, like you I am thrilled to be in a place with this WOE where I just feel good, peaceful. Keto on.
I’ve had very similar thoughts and experiences recently. I called it my “fat shield”. I still think my weight loss is a dream and I’m going to wake up without my “fat shield” back on one day. I feel like it’s just been a little bit too easy.
Yes, I know what you mean. Perhaps, when I get past the first few years of eating this way I will feel a little more confident that I will still want to continue eating this way for the rest of my life. Right now I have to be content with my satisfaction with this WOE at this time. I will face tomorrow when tomorrow comes.