Am I killing him?

(karen) #1

Ok, so. My hubs is not on board with keto, although he does do some low carb fake-food. What he tends to do is a combination of things like atkins bars and stuff he imagines is healthy, like “trail mix” loaded with M&Ms, homemade coconut flour mug cake with malitol chocolate chips and an orange, or half a pound of cashews. :roll_eyes:

My concern is that since I’ve started doing keto, he is on board with plenty of butter, bacon, and other fat filled things. We’re pretty independent in our food choices alto I do most of the dinner prep, but if I’m having buttered steak and loaded cauliflower, he wants it too.

My question is whether what he’s now eating (that is, what I’m now feeding him, my keto goodness, combined with probably just as many carbs as SAD), is even worse for him than a straight up SAD diet. Any thoughts?

(Ken) #2

To come straight to the point, yes. That is if he’s eating lot’s of carb-fat combinations. It’s a great way to make him obese and diabetic, right before he keels over from Heart Disease. He should be easy to convince to drop the carbs.

(Charlotte) #3

You are not doing anything to him. He’s a grown man and I’m assuming he at least grasps what keto is if you’re doing it, along with the serious health risks of eating a high fat diet outside of a keto context. If you think he doesn’t understand, then by all means educate him and let him know how much it worries you, but other than that, he’s making his choices as an informed, intelligent adult. It’s hard to see loved ones disregard their health, but this isn’t on you. You are responsible for your choices and he is responsible for his. If you’re comfortable doing so, it would certainly be reasonable to tell him he needs to prep his own food going forward if he’s not on board with keto, but that’s really all you can do. I’m sorry you are dealing with this, and I hope he makes some dietary adjustments in the future, both for your peace of mind and his.

#4

Yes, the combination is worse than SAD. Ask him to just try real keto with you for a week or two. And then he can make a more informed decision. It is his decision, not yours, but your concern deserves a real hearing and testing out.

My husband tried keto just because I was doing it. I didn’t ask him to. I also do intermittent fasting, so I suggested he try that too. He said, “No way. I’m not doing that.” I said fine, but it will probably just happen naturally with keto anyway. And he did find that he was going longer and longer before he ate breakfast, which then actually became lunch. So…four weeks in and today he just did his first unintentional 24 hour fast!

(Beth) #5

Just my opinion, but seems like carbs from an orange, cashews, mug cake and trail mix are still quite a bit lower and better (more whole food choices) than those in the SAD. What did he snack on before? I mean his carbs are higher than keto macros but still low carb compared to what most people eat. Even slight improvement is still movement in a better direction. :slight_smile:
My sister is in your exact situation. Her husband resisted and griped and has still lost 20 pounds over the last 9 months just from switching to almost exactly those same snacks in addition to her keto cooking. His truck cab is full of boxes of Atkins bars. But before this he ate chips, ice cream, snack cakes, pastries, candy bars and fried potatoes all the time.
Not only is she not killing him, his improved snack choices have gradually improved his health over time. The snacks may not be keto, but they’re still lower carb and healthier than what he used to eat.
Previous poster is right. You can’t control him, you can only make your own choices and hope that he gets it at some point.
FWIW, my own husband resisted at first (total carb lover) but I made sure every meal was delicious and kept him supplied with yummy sugar free desserts, and didn’t bug him about it. It took some months, but after watching my progress he eventually got on board. Now he likes to brag about his IF and how it’s helped his workouts. (Insert eye roll here.)

(karen) #6

Part of the issue is a transition. I initially diagnosed his t2d several years ago, when he came home at a 265 weigh in and told me his physician told him his peripheral neuropathy was probably just “a too tight belt” and did no further testing on him. I pushed the issue and insisted on further testing which, not very surprisingly, revealed t2d, which kind of put me in the position of the driving force toward fixing the problem. He went on metformin and I took over his diet, putting him on Atkins/South Beach with a generous helping of artificial sweets for his sweet tooth.

He lost 65 pounds and got his FBG below 100, at which point we both relaxed a little and I said ok, you’ve got this. But 1. the initial wake-up terror of the diagnosis has faded, 2. he regained 30 pounds but he’s now running again so he feels he can relax because he and his mom are all over CICO (and low fat), and 3. he never really learned the science, he just wants a list of “good foods” and “bad foods”, without having to study the relationship between macros. - as he is also a very picky eater with a sweet tooth, he also seems to collect “good” sweet foods to the point that they make up a third of his diet.

So this is … kind of a power struggle between me, his mom, “common knowledge” promoting SAD, Runner’s world, Subway, Atkins Bars and a whole lot of other input. I really don’t want to be part of any power struggle, I want him to take responsibility for his own diet, but I also don’t want to see him sicker (especially not after sharing my steak and bacon in butter sauce.)

(Beth) #7

I am so sorry. That’s another kettle of fish altogether with his mother in the mix. Are you afraid he’s going to kill himself with his choices if you let go and step back?

(karen) #8

… well that was sort of my original reason for posting, to get some idea of whether I’m making the situation worse. I feel like t2d is manageable or maybe even reversible for some, with effort - there are dozens, maybe hundreds of people on this forum who are living proof. The way he is eating now will probably shorten his life, but he’s got it marginally under control. While I can lead the horse to bacon and make him eat, it won’t stop him from eating the M&Ms when I let go. I’m sort of at a loss for how to proceed - or not proceed.

(LeeAnn Brooks) #9

I have the same concerns but with my 14 year old son. I know his diet sucks, but it’s been a struggle for the past few years keeping him from eating crap. My in-laws live two houses down and all he had to do is go to grandma’s for any treats he wants. Plus I know he takes his own money to school to buy stuff I can’t control.
My husband and I disagree about it immensely. He thinks I worry about it too much. But my son is a big boy, and getting bigger each year. And he hoards food. My husband had never had a weight issue, though he does have high blood pressure and a few other health problems. As someone who has struggled with weight problems, I see warning signs all over the place with our son.

So now that I’m doing Keto, of course he wants the bacon and cheese and all the other stuff I’m eating. I’ve done a handful of family meals Keto style, but for the most part I’m cooking separately for myself. I would love to get them both on board, but I know neither would adhere to it outside of the house. My husband’s a grown man and is responsible for his decisions. That’s on him.
But I feel very responsible for my son’s health, yet he’s at an age that I’m losing more and more control.

My hope is in a couple years he will mature enough and gain enough dedication to make some significant changes. He wrestles, so I know weight is a huge issue in HS wrestling. Maybe that will be the motivation he needs.

Right now I feel like the best I can do is set an example for him. If I’m successful, when he decides he wants to make some changes, he will know he can come to me for help.

#10

Hi @kib - this speaks directly to a question I’ve been asking myself, and so your post is very timely.

It seems to me that when we eat Keto, we elevate the lipids in our blood, but, because we are in ketosis, we burn that fat off as fuel. In my case, my blood panel is best it’s ever been, and based on recent imaging results, my vessels are not occluded.

So what happens if we have a lot of fat in our blood, but we are burning sugar for fuel? In that case, where does the fat go and does it increase atherosclerosis? Presumably, insulin will be higher, so the fat cells will store some of the fat, but is that enough to clear all the fat from the blood?

It just seems like the worst of both worlds. At best, it’s a formula for increasing body fat. At worst, it would throw your blood chemistry way out of whack. Thinking of it this way, I can see why, if you are not eating Keto and burning fat, you might be better to go to the other extreme - eat plant-based carbs with low fat to reduce lipids in the blood (yeah, yeah, yeah, to those who would scold me for mentioning this is a Keto forum, reread my post, and if you still can’t understand the spirit in which I made the comment, redirect your browser to www.go_pound_sand.com)

(karen) #11

Lol. Thanks @Daves_Not_Here. I’ve been toying with that idea, that maybe picking one or the other is better than trying to - literally - cherry pick the tastiest of both worlds.

(karen) #12

Mmmmaybe … the thing is so many of these foods are still really questionable. The trail mix, for example, is a handful sized packet of “health” with 21 net carbs and it wouldn’t be hard to eat two of them for a snack.

(Leslie) #13

Hi @kib ,
I’m sorry to hear of your dilemma
I found this cartoonish video but it’s important to keep in mind that insulin resistance happens when we are exposed to carbs over time. The amount of the carbs and the specific type may not be as important as the constancy in the blood stream causing the release of insulin.
Constant exposure to insulin causes insulin resistance which is t2d

I hope you find this helpful
I cannot imagine how difficult your situation must be

Keep coming back here for the support you need and deserve

(karen) #14

Thank you! … when looking at this, an answer of either trying to get him on board with IF or suggesting some sort of restriction where the insulin spikes are limited occurred to me, but as with most sugar burners, he’s always hungry. I wonder if it would help to get some fat into him before his snack reflex kicks in. Here Sweetie, have some bacon fudge. :heart_eyes: