If I were you, I’d be nearly at my wit’s end. What you’re going through with your enteric nervous system/gut sounds really really hard. And excess stress - such as having a baby in the NICU - definitely can make it worse.
For the short term, a digestive ally that relieves gut pain and moves gas is Fennel seeds. Indians chew them after each meal. You can buy a jar in the spice section of any store (preferably organic). The traditional dose is a teaspoon of the raw seeds - you just chew them/eat them - and they cool/soothe the GI tract (and make you belch) within minutes. Another ally is Slippery Elm, which also has a long history for soothing troubled guts.
For the longer term to address root causes, in case you don’t already know about these, I HIGHLY recommend two key resources:
Grace Liu PhD’s talk on building a warrior gut - she previously suffered from IBS and SIBO. She’s a low carb functional medicine practitioner and pharmacologist whose program for healing is to “Weed, seed, and refeed” the gut, incorporating soil-based probiotics for a certain phase. Dr. Liu focuses on restoring the “ancestral core microbiota”. She has a wonderful, free ebook, here: https://thegutinstitute.com/
And you can here her great presentation here:
https://www.enduranceplanet.com/dr-grace-liu-how-to-build-a-warrior-gut-common-and-solvable-gut-issues-in-athletes-and-more/
And, the work of microbiologiest Norm Robillard Phd, author of Fast Tract Digestion, with a forward by legendary LCHF/keto physician Michael Eades MD. Basically, IBS is an excess gut fermentation issue due to microbial issues, and certain kinds of fiber are your friend and certain ones not.
Dr. Robillard’s blog and website are generous with info, and the comments threads are fascinating.