You know you're a ketoer when


(Ketopia Court Jester) #1

You have more than one type of Stevia in your cupboard.

Everything in the fridge is full fat.

You use your crisper drawers for cheese.

There are five or more types of meat in your grocery cart.

You go through more heavy whipping cream in a week than Starbucks.

You’ve had that nightmare featuring Ronald McDonald doing unspeakable things to Little Debbie. (If you haven’t yet, you will now.)

You no longer know where anything is on the center aisles of the grocery store.

You and the local butcher are on a first name basis.

You can name three different brands of butter and their current price.

You can spell “insulin” and “ketones” without Spellcheck getting involved.

You’ve eaten coconut butter out of the jar with a spoon.

You’ve known the pleasant horror of your pants almost falling down in public.

You have more than one recipe involving cream cheese.

You’ve gone a whole day without wanting or needing to eat. Or two. Or three.

You can tell the different cholesterols apart.

You’re seriously considering purchasing a t-shirt that says “Keep Calm and Keto On” and wearing it through a farmer’s market.

You get super excited whenever bacon goes on sale.

Barbecues are holy days.

You simultaneously push the bread basket away and pull the butter dish closer in restaurants.

You can say “fat bombs” in public with a straight face.

You find out the other guy in the elevator is keto, too, and you high-five a complete stranger.

You find out your date is keto, too, and you fall in love.

You down one drink and realize you’re a cheap date again for the first time since highschool.

You know the difference between Omega 6 and Omega 3.

You know what bone broth is.

You get a lot of exercise rolling your eyes at breaking health reports on the evening news.

You take purse bacon along when trick or treating with your kid.

You call pork rinds “flour.”

You can rattle off five keto-savvy scientists/doctors at the drop of a hat.

You hope Ancel Keys rots in hell.

Ditto John Harvey Kellogg.

You’ve used a slice of bacon like a cracker.

You know where to find the cheapest brie in town.

You gave away your toaster.

You bought a really big, really fancy butter dish.

Everyone knows your friend is vegan but nobody knows you’re keto. Yet.


You know you're Keto when
(Richard Morris) #2

Guilty


(Dustin Cade) #3

When a fun weekend activity is looking for deals on butter…


(Dustin Cade) #4

Let’s not forget that question we get over and over "but aren’t you worried about your heart? "


#5

That’s a bit unnecessarily brutal towards Ancel Keys and John Harvey Kellogg. There’s no reason to believe they were malicious with their advice and advocacy, even if it was wrong. And even Ancel Keys later tried to clarify that dietary cholesterol had no impact on cholesterol in the body for humans at least.

Also, what’s a “crisper drawer”?


(Keto in Katy) #6

You’re the leanest and most energetic person at the family holiday dinner and everyone is concerned about your health.


#7

I do need to give away our toaster. A few years ago someone gave us a 4 slice toaster, which was always bigger than we needed even when we did eat bread back in the day.


(Ketopia Court Jester) #8

I also loathe Christopher Columbus and Descartes.


(Ketopia Court Jester) #9

stacy just won the internet! (confetti falls from sky)


#10

Let go of your hate. Hate leads to stress. Stress leads to cortisol. Cortisol leads to the dark side… of your liver… or something, I’m not really sure if anything is made darker or not.


(Ketopia Court Jester) #11

I’d respond, “Not anymore,” and take a large bite of bacon in front of them.

You do know this is a Humor post riddled with sarcasm, right?


#12

You got the Star Wars reference, right?

Though, I don’t find wishing hell on people humorous. There are a lot of works of ‘humor and sarcasm’ that should not be encouraged. “It’s a joke” doesn’t excuse everything.


(Ketopia Court Jester) #13

You know you’re a ketoer when a ribs stand smells like pheromones and an ice cream shop smells like a port-o-potty.


(eat more) #14

you start your morning with BPC and a cruise on ketogenicforums.com

you buy flats of eggs at costco and you’re single

you’re willing to drive to a different costco to buy almond flour in the rain because yours isn’t cool enough to carry it

you own cheesecloth and you don’t make cheese

you know what IR, BPC, WOE, BG, and T2D are

the smell of a bakery makes your nose twitch in a “eew, gross” kind of way

your phone autocorrects to “keto”


(Kathy L) #15

Or your BREADMAKER !


(Jo Lo) #16

Your favorite fruit is avocado.


(Ketopia Court Jester) #17

Your friends no longer let you play with their pot bellied pig.


(Phil Ware) #18

You first realise that you have accidentally eaten a meal much to heavy in carbs because you are hungry again only two hours later


#19

You are the only one awake and paying attention to a presentation at work, right after lunch (you can hear you colleagues’ foreheads hit the table)


(Larry Lustig) #20

Your phone tries to correct every word starting with “K” to “keto”.